Blah Bleg

The main emotion that has characterized my post-cancer life thus far has been that of indifference. I've been generally emotionless [1] and totally unable to be excited by any of the things I should be excited about; my birthday, my trip, and obviously the end of my cancer treatments. I had a hard time putting my finger on why, but I think it largely has to do with the fact that I'm somewhat less important than I was before. When I had cancer, people looked at me different, they treated me nicer and were generally better. Not to say that they've all turned into jerks now, but I've discovered that post-cancer life is...... dare I say..... normal.

I wouldn't say that my transition back into non-cancer life has been quite what I expected. But perhaps my expectations of how I thought it would be were unrealistic. I had visions of me being super fit, a more avid reader, and several other things that I can't quite recall at the moment. I could still be those things, of course, because things are really just beginning but I should end the delusion that things were going to be as easy as I had earlier envisioned.



[1] Except for frustration, which is unavoidable when working retail.