Wednesday April 29

I was clearing out some of my old myspace emails yesterday and it really hit home how much I have changed. My thought patterns were so negative back then. Frankly, I didn't see how anybody could stand to be friends with me. I deleted most of them, but I should have kept them simply for the record.... no matter how many of my old habits remain, my life is 100x's better now than it was then.

Today was kind of a weird day.... ever have one of those where the morning is so entierly different from the afternoon? This morning was AWFUL. I had those damn NMSU guys pestering me about the job thing, my internet was out and what I really, really wanted for lunch was sold out... Thankfully, Quiznos saved the day and everything after that was great. I had a real productive afternoon.

Monday April 27

* Another day, another hysteria. In the midst of the HIV, hantavirus , Y2K, bird flu, anthrax, swome flu you have to wonder what the limit of human fear is? Is it really that easy to work people up into a frenzy?

Had a pretty decent day today. I was going to finish up some stuff for the last week of school, but I figured that for my sanity, I needed to take it easy today. I did some cleaning and decided, once and for all, to ditch the sham-wow. What a piece of junk that thing is. I prefer my paper towels. I also did some laundry... funny thing there, when I went to get my stuff out of the dryer, it wasn't there. The guy who was there thought that it was his roomate's and folded it and put it in a bag.... no big deal... at least I caught it before he took it home and I got my laundry folded for me... sweet.

I also came to realization today, when it comes to friendship, neediness doesn't work. Some of the biggest mistakes I've made in my relationships have come from the fact that I was too clingy, I whined too much, and I took every slight as a grave personal offense. You shouldn't have to work at friendships, nor should you feel bad when that person doesn't give you exactly what you want whenever you want it. One should be more comfortable spending time with themselves and not need people's approval all the time.

Friends...

What is it sometimes with these people we call our "friends"? They treat us worse than our enemies ever would.

There are certain people in my life that I just don't enjoy being around anymore. These "friends" that do nothing but take advantage of me and stomp all over me because they know that I'm loyal to a fault and will love them anyways....

No more....

I can't take the betrayle and the bad feelings...

So to all of you who treat me poorly and still wish to call me a friend, I bid you farewell.

Friday April 24

More words of inspiration from the great Larry Winget.... a daily affirmation:

THIS DAY

This day, I thankfully accept all of the good things that are coming my way. This day is full of excitement, love, energy, health, and prosperity. This day, people are calling on me to be of service to them and I respond by giving them my very best. This day, I think and practice health in my life, refusing to accept anything less than perfect health. This day, I accept the abundance and prosperity that is mine and willingly share it with others. This day, I focus on the moment and give no thought to the past or future. This day, I spend the total enjoyment of what I do. This day, I fill with loving thoughts and actions toward all the other people and myself. This day, I spend in grateful appreciation of all that is mine. This day, this hour, this minute, this moment is all that I have and I choose to use it in celebration

Wednesday April 22

I figured I had better write this entry early or it will get lost in the shuffle that is the last two weeks of school....

That entry I wrote on Monday, and the two poems that I posted, has still stuck with me. I have a rather obsessive personality at times and the caffeine consumption does NOT help. My stupid gmail notifier isn't good for me either and causes me to obsess over my email. Neither are healthy for me, so for the last two days I've been working really hard on cutting back on both. I've had some success, but I'm not sure how long it will be until both become habits. 30 days is an awfully long time...

I've been having goofy dreams again. I used to have them on an almost nightly basis, but haven't had them consistently for over a year now. The last two nights, however, they have returned. Monday night was a doozy involving me working for Hitler at my grandma's house in Milwaukee (hint: she doesn't live there) and having to bake him cookies every night. I'm not sure where to even begin to interpret that one.

The one I had last night I guess you could consider normal. I was here on campus, napping under a tree, when a person I knew in elementary school through high school, somebody I hadn't seen in a very very long time and never even went here came up to me and apologized for all the bad things she did to me in jr. high. The tricky part is that this person never even did anything to me... ever... what was she apologizing for?

Monday April 20

My postings have been a little scant lately, largely because I've been real busy with the end of the semester wheelings and dealings, but also, I've just really had nothing to say. I did, however, post two things to the myspace blog this weekend.

First, and interesting little internet letter I picked up from one of Larry
Winget's books:

IF...
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be
cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring
people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be
grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to
give you any
time,
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out
on you when through
no fault of yours, something goes wrong.
If you can
take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can resist treating a
rich friend better than a poor friend,If you
can face the world without lies
and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can
relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you
can honestly say that deep in your heart that you have no prejudice
against
creed, color, religion, gender preference, or politics,

Then you
have reached the same level of development as your dog.

This one struck me as in a particular way because I have so completely out of control with my bad habits lately.

One particular obsession casued me to write this poem....

It's the first thing I think about when I wake
up
the last thing I think about before
bed
the object of many
thoughts in between

It has put the world at my fingertips
yet made it impossible to escape it

It has given me constant companionship
yet made it impossible for me to be alone with
myself

It has provided me loads of information
yet much of it is false

It has given me an outlet for expressing
myself
yet has never forced me to look deeply at who I
am

Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, Blogspot, online forums..... all this
friendship.....
yet I frequently still feel alone

The source of my obsessions
yet a collection point of everything I hold
dear

Can I live without it?

I have more to say on these issues, but it will have to wait for another entry

Saturday April 18

I had a dream a few nights ago, a vivid one in which my hair was falling out again. Like it did when I was on chemo.  I don't remember if cancer was specifically the reason my hair was falling out, but frankly, I'm not sure what else it could be. 

I still think about cancer. Not a day goes by when it doesn't cross my mind again in some form or another. I don't really worry too much about it coming back, but the dream tells me one thing.... the thought is somewhere in the back of my mind. It's as if being a cancer survivor has come to define me. I guess that's not surprising since its the only noteworthy thing I've done in my whole life. 

It stares me in the face every single day.... the lump of skin where my left testicle used to be.... the scar on the right side of my chest.... the beanie that was bought for me when my hair stared to fall out... the PET scan report that still sits on my desk... the Lance Armstrong braclet I wear.... the braclets other people wear... the oncologist's card in my wallet... the people that I've impressed with my story.... it's everywhere and it's not going away.

Friday April 17

It occurred to me today that Walgreens is a very elitist company. Most retail stores that I know of go out of their way to make sure that their managers are called by their first names, the employees do it (over the intercom, in person, etc) and they usually have only first names on their name tags. Walgreens, however, goes out of its way to make sure all the managers are called Mr. or Mrs. I first noticed it when they announced their names over the intercom, but what was especially weird was that they have Mr. or Mrs. Whatever on their name tags..... no mention of the first name. This is only done with the managers too. The regular employees have their first names only on their tags. Why do they do this when no other company (that I know of) does?

Strange win for the Cubs today in a roller coaster game. I pretty much thought they were sunk until that 2 run jack by Alfonso Soriano in the bottom of the 8th. How many players are there in the MLB that can strike out 3 times in a game, yet, hit the game winning home run and have everybody consider that a perfectly normal game? The bullpen almost blew it again when Marmol let the first two batters get on in the top of the 8th..... but yeah, it was not to be. 

SAS is still giving me headaches. What should be a fairly simple operation, uploading data from Excel to SAS, is totally beyond me. I just can't figure it out! I'm probably going to have to do it manually, but that will take a while.... good thing this project isn't due for a few weeks.

Thursday April 16

The last few days I have felt really, incredibly antsy. I'm not really sure where it's coming from, but I suppose it's just end of the semester stuff. It's not really the nervous kind, it's more like my mind wanting to move to the next step, but reality hasn't quite caught up. 

Lately I find myself thinking more about summer than pretty much anything else. I'm still getting my work done, but it's been getting harder and harder to do. 

Another weird thing is that I don't feel I have nearly enough going on to fill the hours of the day. Despite the fact that this is the busy time of year, I still have way too much spare time. Something just feels wrong about that... I mean, aren't graduate students supposed to be super busy all the time? It doesn't feel normal to be so utterly bored all the time.

Wednesday April 15

I managed to finish the bulk of my public finance paper today, but boy, it ended up a hec of a lot shorter than I thought it would. I haven't done much editing to it yet, so it could potentially get longer, but my editing process tends to make things shorter and crisper, not longer. Page requirements have never had much sway with me anyway, so I'm hoping he won't be too strict on it. My results largely came out how I expected, however. But since I tend to do my papers in a very non-linear manner, the most important part of my editing process is tying everything together and having all the ideas mesh together and make sure the paper at the end is the same as it was at the beginning. That can be a pretty big job.

I also had an interesting idea for a movie today. Or, better yet, a tv series. After John Wilkes Booth killed Lincoln, he was eventually found in a barn that was set on fire and was killed. Some theories, however, suggest that he actually escaped that barn and either went to Japan or the western United States (or both). I think it would be interesting to have a movie (or show) discuss his life in hiding after he killed Lincoln (had he survived); the jobs he did, his politics, the people who helped him, etc. Of course it would be entierly fictional, as I don't believe it actually happened, but it would also be pretty edgy considering how popular Lincoln is now. To say the least, the politics of the show would certainly be interesting.

Tuesday April 14

My great productivity streak of April 2009 has continued into this week. For several months now, I was having issues w/ the new version of Excel and I couldn't, for the life of me, get a proper regression. I had resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to do it on SAS, which I don't particularly like.... blah. Magically, however, when I went in there on Excel to get my data everything worked the way it was supposed to. Now that I have my regression and my tests done, I can go on my happy little way to finishing this paper this week.

Speaking of which, it finally occurred to me yesterday just how fast this semester is going. There are only 3 weeks left in the semester! Yikes! I'm not too worried. Everything is going to get done but I'm going to have to make some final decisions here soon about my summer plans. I guess I know what I'm going to do, I just haven't declared them to the world yet. 

Monday April 13

Feeling pretty calm and relaxed today. I'm sure the three kava's have nothing to do with that, though. That's probably a bit too many, but public finance on Monday can stress me out sometimes and I felt like I could use the extra help. 

I kept my resolution of doing absolutely nothing today, until class that is. I would say it has been a pretty good day. I went to the gym, cleaned Penelope out, got caught up on The Soup (why is it I can never remember to watch that one on Friday) and yes, watched a little bit of Keeping up with the Kardashians while the Cubs were on rain delay. I tried really, really hard to stay away, but the tv selections at noon on Monday are surprisingly slim. Oh well, no biggie.

Speaking of the Cubs, they are off to a pretty good start. In my goal to follow more baseball, I figured I needed a team to follow if I was going to be successful at all, and since everybody in my house already likes the Cubs, it seemed like a natural choice. Their starting rotation is looking pretty solid (bull-pen, not so much) and they are getting people on base. Lilly was just a monster today... 8k's, 1 hit and only 2 walks and well on his way to picking up the win... excellent.... just excellent. 

I forgot to watch Breaking Bad last night, so I don't really have any comments on it today. For some reason, no matter how much I like the show, I can never remember those shows that come on on Sunday night. I did the same thing with Mad Men last fall. Perhaps I should set my phone reminder.

Sunday April 12

Kind of a weird weekend. It was a holiday, so I was naturally limited in what I could do (things being closed and such), and I didn't feel like I got much done. But, when I look back on it, I was actually really productive. I got everything I needed to get done, plus, a few of my bonus things as well. Yay me! Anyway, I guess this frees up time next week for me to start working on my data for my paper. Not too excited about that.

I finally got a twitter page set up the other day. I have been thinking about doing it for a while, but I just needed the right nudge to get it started. I'm not too sure how long this one will last, though, because I don't have a lot of friends that are on twitter so I can't imagine anybody wanting to follow me. If I don't get the feedback, whatever I do there is useless. But then again, nobody really reads my blog either, but I still do that? I suppose I think of this differently. This one is more for me and people reading it is just a bonus.

The more I think about my summer options, the less interested I am in staying here. The total freedom is nice, but I'm not too thrilled about not really having anything to do for the whole summer.... I don't count my RA job. That isn't anything.

As for my resolution to take a day totally off every week, I think Monday is the best day to do that. I technically have class at 6, but that's enough time to re-charge and I'm usually bored by then anyway. It's pretty convenient because the Cubs home opener is tomorrow. w00t

Saturday April 11

I've come to a conclusion. To some people, I just have nothing to say. Not that I dislike them or don't value their friendship, I just have nothing to say to them and we have nothing in common. 

When I'm bored, one of the first things I typically do is pick up the phone and start texting people. Or I open the IM and start sending instant messages. Or open facebook/myspace and start leaving random messages on people's pages, usually those that I haven't talked to in forever and still have actually nothing to say to. Is this a constructive habit or not? I'm not sure. I suspect that there are better things to be doing with my bored and idle moments rather than pestering people with inane small talk.

Today was a pretty good day overall. I was actually quite productive. I didn't particularly feel like working out, but was still up early, so I decided to crank out my public finance reading before lunch. Man, I hate that class more every single day. Corporate taxation? What a bitch of a subject that is. I'm usually pretty worthless before lunch, but I've been trying harder to be more productive in the morning hours. I mean, I'm usually up at 7. It's stupid to just waste the whole morning like that.

I still had some macro work to do, but since I wanted to get out for a bit, I decided to go down to the library to finish that up. I'm trying to get out of the habit of spending my weekends there (how lame, right?), but sometimes that's just the best place to go, especially on a holiday weekend.  This assignment took a hell of a lot longer than I thought it would and I still can't say with any certainty that I did it correctly. It doesn't really matter anyway, homeworks don't count for much. I also had wanted to do some statistical work on SAS, but wasn't able to since the lab that has it was closed today. I did, however, finish some other random do-dads on my paper. I've about run out of stalling on this thing and am going to have to do my statistical analysis soon. I'm putting it off until the very end though and there are still a few more things I can do.

When I came home, I thought that the apartment (still haven't found a good name for it yet) was looking a little shabby, so I did some cleaning. I bought some sham-wow's to test out, and while I can't say that I was blown away, I think they are certainly better than paper towels and I can just throw them in the washing machine and not have to keep buying more. Good times.

And what better way to finish the day than by watching My Cousin Vinny?

Friday April 10

I meant to comment on Lost the other day, but I got distracted and forgot. It was a really interesting episode, I thought, for a few reasons. First, this is the first episode in which Ben shows that he has some sort of moral fiber and guilt about what happened to his daughter. He spared Alex's life when she was a baby, he didn't kill Penny because her son was around and we learn that he is still haunted by his role in his daughter's death. What next? Totally different Ben in this episode.

Second, we started to get an idea of what is behind the pissing match between Ben and Widmore. I guess it was because Ben had something to do w/ Widmore's banishment and the fact that he let baby Alex live when Widmore thought she should have died. I say "start to get an idea" because I suspect there is more to this story, as there always is with Lost.

Ha! What a shock!

An experiment in the sisterhood... an office with all women:

I hired a team of seven staff and set up an office in Richmond upon Thames, Surrey. While the women I interviewed claimed to be enthused by the idea, they still insisted on high salaries. Fair enough, I thought at the time - they are professionals, and I knew most of them were talented and conscientious because I'd worked with them before.

But within a week, two cliques had developed: those who had worked together before and those who were producing 'new ideas'. 

Most days would bring a pointed moment when some people were invited out for lunch or a coffee break - and some weren't. Nothing explicit was ever said; the cutting rejection was obvious enough.

Even when we all went to the pub after work, strict divisions remained, made clear according to who sat where around the table and who would be civil - or not - to whom.

Fashion was a great divider, though in this battlefield everyone was on their own. Hideously stereotypical and shallow as it sounds, clothes were a huge source of catty comments, from sly remarks about people looking over-dressed to the merits of their fake tan application.

I honestly can't see why she expected anything different. Even women themselves would admit, they do tend to be more petty than men. Men certainly have flaws of their own, but it almost seems that men's flaws are more beneficial to the workplace while women's tend to hurt it.

Anybody who has spent at least a second in a middle school knows that, when it comes to vindictiveness, girls are WAAAAAAY worse than guys.  This can be a big problem in an office when people have to work together everyday to achieve a common goal.

It's not to say that I'm sexist. In fact, I have very few guy friends and a ton of girl friends. I happen to find their company more appealing. 

Damn Those Professors and Making Me Choose Things

Something that has been pretty heavy on my mind lately has been what to do over the summer. Most of the semester, this hasn't been a problem because I just assumed I was going to be taking math econ over the summer. Bad assumption, though, on my part because it turns out that math econ is only a 5 week course (instead of the 10 I had thought). This caused me a few problems:

1) I  hate 5 week courses and I think they are a complete joke. You have to cram so many things into it, there is no possible way you can come out remembering any of it. 

2) A a 5 week math class is doubly problematic, especially one involving calculus. I have experience w/ summer math classes and it isn't pretty... that one was even a 10 week!

3) The biggest problem, however, is that the class doesn't start until July. That would leave me most of May and June with nothing to do. Add that to the fact that I have a few commitments in Farmington in June, it makes things extra difficult.

But, thankfully, the advisor came to the rescue. I talked to him yesterday and he basically said that I was a marginal case if I needed to even take the class at all considering I had already been taking my econ theory courses and was doing pretty well in them. He said, most likely, that I should be fine w/o it. So yay me, I could go back home to Farmington and have one last summer (relatively) free before I graduated in the spring!

Ah, but not so fast.... today, the professor that I'm a research assistant for had to put a wrinkle in my plan and suggest that I stick around and work on the project until the end of June (with pay, of course). This decision may complicate things greatly, but the more I think about it, the more it might not. I really don't do anything on this project, so I would STILL be a bum for most of the summer (not to mention what happens after June). I'm thinking of suggesting, maybe, that I be able to do it all from home. Maybe? I don't know. I really don't see why not considering what we do in the meetings can easily be done over the phone or via email.

With these tough decisions I really need to start listening more to my heart and what I WANT to do, especially when all the practical reasons don't really point to a solid conclusion. 

Thursday April 9

I had a busy day yesterday, so I wasn't able to write much, but I do have a few things to say:

First of all, the Connecticut women's basketball team winning the national title, and doing so by going 39-0, and not for the first time either. I don't follow women's basketball, but does anybody else find something about this sort of domination very wrong? How can a team that plays 39 games not lose a single one twice in a decade? I'm all for dynasties, but that is just overkill to me. One could argue that this may not even be a dynasty at all because to me, to be a true dynasty, you need a half-way decent foe (ala Lakers-Celtics or Cowboys-49ers), and this UConn obviously did not have.

Second, I saw a horrible display of douche bagginess yesterday that cannot go uncommented on. I went to campus yesterday and, because I'm sick of tickets, I used a meter. A strange thing was happening, though. This car, obviously driven by a Greek (douche bad sign #1), kept backing in and out of spaces. I was quite perplexed as to why, until I realized that he was simply looking for a meter that still had time on it so he didn't have to pay. Seems weird, but somewhat reasonable until I realized that this guy already had a student resident parking sticker and could park for free not even 50 yards over! In the same lot!  And of course, he was wearing flip-flops (douche bag sign #2 and more on this later).

Ugh. People are such retards. 

Tuesday April 7

I forgot to mention something yesterday that is of some importance, the light in my bathroom finally got fixed. Turns out it was something in the switch that was messing things up and he came in and fixed it in about 10 minutes. It's nice having a good light in there again. I forgot how nice it was actually being able to see haha. My countertop is thankful too because that thing wasn't too clean when the light finally came on.

I'm in a considerably better mood today than I was yesterday. In fact, I felt better almost instantly after I got home from class. I don't know what it is about Monday.... I don't even work that hard on Monday, really. I think part of the problem is that I don't give myself enough time to decompress during the weekend. By Monday, the thought of another week of drudgery is depressing. But I always manage to feel better about life by Tuesday and am ready to go.

I think I need to resolve myself to taking at least one day a week and doing no schoolwork at all. I may have to cram some things into a few other days, but this needs to happen, for my sanity. 

I thought for about 10 minutes for something else to say today, but honestly, I can't think of anything else.

Too nice?

I wonder sometimes if I'm just too nice. I know that nice is generally a good thing, but being too nice can have its problems too. You get taken advantage of and treated like crap by some people because they know that you aren't going to do a damn thing about it, perhaps even apologize to them for the pleasure.

Two examples:

There is this person, let's call her A1. A1 was a nice girl who seemed to have an interest in me and led me on for months. After a while, however, A1 started to get flaky. She would start to blow me off, call and text less frequently and eventually stop communicating with me at all. It didn't matter to her what I really thought. She knew that she could pretty much do whatever she wanted and would get away with it because I would always be the nice guy and forgive her, regardless of whatever mean and deceitful action she took.

Next: person A2. I've known A2 for a long time and we usually get along fairly well. But, A2 is a bit, shall we say, temperamental. It's like walking on eggshells. No matter how innocent the remark, odds are 50-50 that she will take it the wrong way and blow up at you, or even stop talking to you for a time. Whatever happened to giving friends the benefit of the doubt? I've put up with this nonsense for years and have often times even flat out apologized for offending her. But I'm pretty damn sick of apologizing..... and sick of her crap too.

There's a difference between being nice and being a doormat anymore. 

Monday April 6

I've been quite lethargic today. Have been for a few days, actually, but it is considerably more pronounced today. I couldn't do a damn thing in the gym today and the thought of doing some schoolwork when I got home just made me want to vomit. So I just loafed around all day save the few pages of reading I needed to finish before class tonight.

I figure two things could be happening. One, I could just be stuck in the drudgery of the semester. This doesn't seem to likely considering spring break was just two weeks ago and a didn't really do a thing. I should have been rejuvenated, right?

The second reason could be that I've just grown bored with life. I haven't done anything terribly interesting lately and even my movie fare has been a little bland. The problem here, though, is that I too often fall into the trap of attributing short-term moods to long-term phenomenon. 

It's probably some combination of both of these things. Maybe I need to re-shuffle things in my life and change a few priorities to get things back on track again. There really isn't a day I look forward too anymore because they are all pretty much about the same. I work too hard, unnecessarily sometimes, and don't give myself enough time off. 

Or maybe I'm just tired today.... blah

Sunday April 5

There are a few things on my mind today:

1) Keeping up with the Kardashians.... seriously..... what is up with these people? I saw about 4 episodes of their show this weekend and wondered how they can stand this constant drama. Every week its some combination of sister hating sister or sister hating mother or two sisters hating the other one or all the sisters hating their mother.... ugh.... I weep.  I wonder what their dad would think if he was still alive?

EDIT: I just noticed that the show is created by Ryan Seacrest.... that explains a lot.

I figure Bruce Jenner must have sold his soul to the devil and he decided to collect a little early. The man is a great athlete, but he's now stuck in the middle of the constantly feuding womanhood in his house and his son Brody.... well.... what can you say about the concept of bromance?

But, along with this, I was thinking about which of the Kardashians is the hottest. Kim is certainly the HTS (Hot by Traditional Standards) of the family, but I'm more inclined towards Kourtney. Naturally, she's the bitchiest of the bunch, but if I looked at personality, none of them would be terribly appealing. Kim gets all the attention, but Kourtney is the real fire cracker.

The fact that I could go on for 3 paragraphs about this has to be a bad sign.... right?

2) On to a more manly subject..... baseball.... which the regular season kicks off (is kicking off the right phrase?) tonight. I've never been a big follower of baseball. I should be, theoretically, because I'm a big statistics guy and that is basically what baseball is all about, number crunching. However, I also have the attention span of a gnat and when a game is 3+ hours, I tend to lose interest fast. I tell myself basically every year that I'm going to try and follow it more (except for last year... I didn't even try), but I'm going to try again this year..... right haha.

3) I bought the first Nonpoint album yesterday, Statement. I'm instituting a new rule with regards to music, though, I will reserve judgment until 5 complete listens. I think I'm 3 now. I instituted this rule because I don't trust my first impressions. I've made this mistake too many times with movies I have reviewed. I watch it, then immediately go to facebook and tell the world what I think, only to think something else about the same movie 3 days later. That's why, lately, I've held off on posting reviews until a movie has soaked into my psyche a little bit and have a better formed opinion of what I just saw.

I think trusting first instincts can be dangerous. Perhaps not as dangerous as over analyzing, but one must be careful not to read too much into what one thinks about something right away. Malcolm Gladwell basically makes this point in Blink, especially in analyzing why New Coke didn't work in the market place despite many taste tests. On one-sip (maybe two) taste-tests, New Coke fared very well, but when people bought, say a 6-pack, they hated it. That's because the initial perception was different from what they thought after they had time to get a better feel for what it is they are drinking. 

Of course I have never trusted my instincts, that book just gave me a good reason why. 

BTW, my 5 listen rule doesn't really apply to movies because I, with only a few exceptions, will never watch a movie that many times. It's just not how I operate. With movies I find it just as useful to watch it once then think about what I have seen rather than watch it several times to get an impression.

Friday April 3

Typically, when something is pressing on my mind really hard, regardless of how stupid it is, it can be hard for me to sleep. Not so much fall asleep, my wild assortment of pills usually takes care of that, but I were to wake up in the middle of the night, thinking about a particular thing usually makes it hard for me to go back to sleep. Today, for example, I was up at 4am and in deep thought. In the past, however, I probably wouldn't have gotten back to sleep at all. This morning, however, I was able to eventually fall back asleep at about 5, which to me, is a sign of progress.

One particular thing did annoy me last night, The Office was pre-empted so they could show a two hour ER series finale. I guess a show like ER deserves a two hour send off, but let's face it, the show stopped being relevant 7 years ago. I admit, I used to be a fan. I would watch the show religiously every Thursday night until 2002. That, for me, was it. That was the year they killed off Mark Greene, and with it, any interest I (and I will be so bold as to say, the general public) had in the show after that. He was essentially the life of that show, and when he died, so did the series.

It's funny how these things work in parallel lines. Edwards leaving ER was the death of the show, and it was also the death of his career. He certainly isn't the only one, though. The show has almost become Seinfeldesque in how its cast members have fared after they left. With one obvious exception, can anybody remember anything that any of the cast members has done since they left the show? Neither can I.

Thursday April 2

Was up at about 3 this morning and the wind was already howling. Even on the worst of days, it usually isn't blowing THAT early. I figured I was in for a long, windy day today. Thankfully, I've been proven wrong and the weather has been nice and relatively wind free.

I was in the student union building today and I overheard a conversation about sleep paralysis and about how amazing the two people talking about it thought it was. This got me thinking about my own incident of sleep paralysis. I'll never forget it, I was in my first apartment in Albuquerque. I didn't care for it much.

Some interesting truths were revealed on Lost yesterday, including one delicious irony. Jacked hated Ben Linus, for factual reasons true, but largely just because of his personality. What's funny, as we learned last night, was that Jack is actually largely responsible for Ben's personality today by his unwillingness to save his life drove Sawyer to take him to The Others to heal. When you insert time travel into the equation, wackiness always ensues. 

We also learn that Kate did an awful lot of blabbing about what the Oceanic 6 were really up to. She told two people, that we know, that their whole story was a lie. I don't know if this line will go anywhere (probably won't), but it would be interesting to see if she told anybody else. Something else was also revealed about Kate last night, but a point that me and one of the sibling units (SU) disagree about. In the episode, Kate revealed that she was going back to the island to find Claire, the mother of Aaron, the child she had been looking after. I had believed previously that she went back because of Sawyer, and that may be true, but so could this story. My SU, however, doesn't seem to put much into this reason for her going back.

We shall see.... all shall be revealed. 

But I had another interesting thought about Lost yesterday. I wondered if the whole story had been written before they started filming or if they had been making it up as they go along? I suspect they must have had a least some idea of where the story was going before they even started writing it because things are getting VERY complex. It would be hard, if not impossible, to keep everything together if they did it all on they fly. But then again, some people seem to remember these alternate story lines better than I do, so maybe they do remember them.

Oh, and if forgot the obligatory bathroom electrical update. Actually, there isn't one. I thought the guy was going to come while I was gone yesterday, but he didn't. Maybe he came today? So my outlet still works, but the overhead lights do not.