Sunday July 5

Back from the family reunion in good old Roswell, NM. It's kind of stupid that we always pick the 4th of July to go there, that's when all the alien stuff is going on, but such is life, I guess.

As I told my brother, these trips aren't about having fun, they are about survival. Several things tend to trip me up:

1) the food: It's very different from what I eat at home. A lot of it just stinks, for one. There are NO GOOD RESTAURANTS in that town and the ones people like to go to, are just awful. The stuff we eat at the fam's house is different too, a lot of milk is used. Not good for my lactose intolerant ways.

2) the allergies: The wind and the dust are in more ample quantities down there than they are here. There's also the dogs... oye the dogs... Now, I'm a dog guy. I love dogs. My allergies can even handle one dog, two dogs, maybe even 3, but when they let 6 or 7 dogs run around the house, my allergies tend to go wild. A few years ago, one of the worst allergies attacks I've ever had in my life was because of the dogs.

3) usual family uncomfortableness: Those wonderful family moments that everybody has.

This time around, the trip was about as good as could be expected. My stomach wasn't as aggravated, the dogs were kept outside and the family strangeness was kept to a minimum.

So all-in-all, not too bad a trip.

Wednesday July 1

I had a realization yesterday, not quite to the level of an epiphany, but still something I should have discovered before.

Not that it makes any difference now, of course, but I was discussing going to college with a friend yesterday and I realized.... I just wasn't ready for it. A lot of people I know go to (or went to) the community college here before going off to a university (if they do at all), but not me, I moved off right away. Looking back, I think that was a mistake. I don't think I was ready for it psychologically. I should have stayed here longer.

For as mature as I seemed to be at the time, and as much as I told myself I was ready to move away, fact was, I just wasn't. Every bad habit I ever had in my life came back and several new habits developed. Some of which, like the binge eating, I'm still dealing with. I became isolated and depressed and couldn't deal with life on my own. Perhaps a few more years of semi-autonomy in jr. college would have done be much better.

Like I said, though, there isn't really anything I can do about it now other than just deal with the aftermath.

Tuesday June 30

Social networking....

I often wonder how good this whole social networking thing has been for me. I have the whole shebang, myspacefacebooktwitter. A good way to keep track with my friends, but my worst fears have come true, they have become an obsession. I haven't always had them and as I recall, I was much happier w/o them.

I'm not quitting social networking, but as part of my bigger life plan, I plan to phase out the social networking. First up, is the one I go to considerably less than I used to, myspace.

July Reading List

After two months w/o it, I decided to bring back the reading list for July:

Young Stalin by Simon Montefiore

I Survived Cancer But Never Won the Tour de France by Jim Chastain

Sunday June 28

I think I'm having a motivation problem...

Lately, particularly at work, I'm starting to make mistakes that I had never made before. I got written up the other day for selling something below cost, I was critiqued for missing some things in the magazine rack at closing the other day and last night, some parts of my job were a little less than stellar.

It's not that I don't want to do well, I just wonder if my brain is functioning at full capacity. Generally speaking, it's not in my nature to half-ass things, even when I don't think they are particularly important, so I find these recent slips a little disturbing. Like my ability to pay attention to detail has gone totally out the window.

I don't think it's deliberate, but perhaps deep down I know that 90% of the stuff I do at Hastings doesn't matter. Some part of my brain, deep, deep down, is causing parts of my body to fail at the most basic of tasks.

I guess it's not surprising that it would eventually happen to a big picture guy like myself.

Wednesday June 24

I had another good day today. I had my doctor's appointment and, as expected, he said my blood work and CAT scan were good and that I'm still cancer free. What I didn't expect, however, was the bumping of my follow-up schedule from every 3 months to every 6 months. I didn't think that would happen for at least one more cycle.

I was kind of in a funk for a while, but things are started to happen again. Things are starting to go well again. If only it ever stayed that way...

Tuesday June 23

I don't know if I've ever had a day take such a complete 180 degree turn. I woke up in one of the shittiest moods I've ever been in. I've had a fairly brutal few days at work and frankly, I sometimes think too much is expected of us lowly Hastings employees. My close also got criticized a bit, which I happen to take a bit personally. I have very thin skin. I need to work on that. My body was also just achy. From what, I'm not sure.

At around 1130, however, I got the strangest text message that I've ever gotten, from a long lost old friend whom I thought had forgotten me. There's a very long back story here, and most of the people reading this blog know who I'm talking about, so I won't re-hash it, but suffice to say I was shocked. She wanted to have lunch. I went, and it was actually really great. We got caught up and the door was left open for a re-building of the relationship.

I know now what I need to expect from this friendship. Whatever we had, whatever we were, is all in the past and I would be more than happy just to be her friend. Never have too many of those, right?