I feel the cloud is starting to lift. I'm not quite as grumpy today as I have been for the last few days, but I'm still not sure what's causing it all. Just me and my crazy brain, I guess. I really should be more appreciative of the fact that I'm even alive and not waste so much time wallowing in self-pity.

I have reached one conclusion, though. My weight has stopped going downward and I've been at about 220 for several months now. It's fluctuated up and down, but always comes back to that point, which is where I was when I left Las Cruces last May. My goal is 190, which seems a looooooooong way off.

The problem isn't lack of activity, I'm working out more than ever, but rather my old curse, food. My eating is really a constant battle and one I really need to address if I want to get anywhere. I was crunching some numbers in a spreadsheet and reached a few conclusions:

1) I need about 2298 calories to start losing weight

2) I do a really poor job of distributing my calories throughout the day, eating very little during the day but a whole bunch in the evening. I think it wreaks havoc on my metabolism and stops me from using the energy efficently.

3) My Friday night benders are KILLING me. One really shouldn't eat 3000 calories in about two hours time. Even if I eat good all week, a day like that could wreck it all. I really need to stop that.

4) Most of the time, I was simply unaware of what I was eating and when. It was very enlightening just seeing it in front of my eyes how crazy my eating habits are.

I need to keep better track of these things.