I managed to survive another Roswell trip. It was not wholly terrible, but as usual, it wreaked havoc on my digestive system. I always manage to get an upset stomach when I'm there. I don't know if its the food itself- which tends to contain more dairy than my stomach likes- or the shear quantity of food I tend to eat when I'm there. I suspect it is the food itself because I tend to be a binge eater and eat a lot when I'm home too, although without the stomach problems I tend to get when I'm there.
But no matter, I'll be home tomorrow and back to normal with my diet. I suspect that's not a good thing, though, because my normal diet sucks. That's really the problem with my attempts at fitness: I have neither the proper diet nor the consistency in my workouts to make any long-term difference. That's what I had when I successfully lost weight back in high school, a decent diet and a consistent workout plan. I've tried many times to get back to repeat what I did then, but my daily routine is so different now it would be hard to fit that stuff in the way I used to...
Oh, who am I kidding, I just lack the will power.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Things I'm Thankful For
I've been blessed in many ways, especially this year:
1) My health, which I can't take for granted the way I used to.
2) The health and general prosperity of my family.
3) All the new stuff I've gotten in the last year.
4) That I'm not a Detroit Lions fan.
1) My health, which I can't take for granted the way I used to.
2) The health and general prosperity of my family.
3) All the new stuff I've gotten in the last year.
4) That I'm not a Detroit Lions fan.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
House M.D.: Nov. 25th
For a while, I thought House M.D. was starting to slip. The episodes had become formulaic (a patient comes in, they can't figure out what's wrong, they argue about it, but then eventually figure out what it is by the end of the episode.), the subplots were uninteresting and poorly developed, and the new group of doctors still hasn't meshed together as a unit the way the original group did.
The trailer for last night's episode didn't give me much confidence that that would be a particularly good episode either. In fact, I thought it was simply going to be a John Q ripoff. The basic premise largely was: unsatisfied with the treatment at the hospital, a crazed patient takes people at the hospital hostage until he gets his way. In both cases, the victim is saved and the hostage taker goes to jail. Of course, the comparison falls apart if one looks at the particulars of the plot, but it's still the same basic idea. The main difference, however, is the fact that John Q sucked and this episode was actually pretty good.
The guest star in this episode, Ċ½eljko Ivanek, was fantastic. I've been a big fan of his since his days on OZ and I always manage to be impressed by his performances. Hugh Laurie was also vintage, old school House and exactly how you could imagine him acting when faced with that sort of situation.
But the best part of this episode was the fact that it confirmed something that I always suspected to be true: Thirteen is hot even when dying of kidney failure, thankfully, she pulls through.
The trailer for last night's episode didn't give me much confidence that that would be a particularly good episode either. In fact, I thought it was simply going to be a John Q ripoff. The basic premise largely was: unsatisfied with the treatment at the hospital, a crazed patient takes people at the hospital hostage until he gets his way. In both cases, the victim is saved and the hostage taker goes to jail. Of course, the comparison falls apart if one looks at the particulars of the plot, but it's still the same basic idea. The main difference, however, is the fact that John Q sucked and this episode was actually pretty good.
The guest star in this episode, Ċ½eljko Ivanek, was fantastic. I've been a big fan of his since his days on OZ and I always manage to be impressed by his performances. Hugh Laurie was also vintage, old school House and exactly how you could imagine him acting when faced with that sort of situation.
But the best part of this episode was the fact that it confirmed something that I always suspected to be true: Thirteen is hot even when dying of kidney failure, thankfully, she pulls through.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Back to the Gym
So, for the first time since about July, I was finally able to hit the gym for a serious workout; with lifting and everything! I had used the cardio machine downstairs a few times and had taken my doggie out for a walk, but to me, anything that doesn't include pumping iron isn't really exercise.
I wasn't as weak as I had anticipated being. I wasn't able to lift near what I was, but I wasn't using the old lady weights either like i had thought. I did a few things with dumb bells, but I'll probably use more machines until I get my strength back up close to where it was before. After all, I don't want to hurt myself after I just started going back to gym. Wouldn't I feel foolish haha.
As I anticipated, I'm pretty darn sore today. Not as sore as I expected, but when I woak up, I thought I wouldn't be able to move my arm there for a second because my triceps hurt so bad. I had wanted to go back today, but I had some other (damn) business to take care of. I'm going to try and get in two more days this week, tomorrow, then on Thanksgiving, whenever the gym is open.
One thing sort of disappointed me yesterday and, as usual, it's totally my fault. I had a good workout; I was doing well, but the (almost) first thing I did when I got home is blew it all on the mother of all pizza benders. WHY CAN'T I EVER USE ANY SELF CONTROL? I dunno, I'm just lame like that.
I wasn't as weak as I had anticipated being. I wasn't able to lift near what I was, but I wasn't using the old lady weights either like i had thought. I did a few things with dumb bells, but I'll probably use more machines until I get my strength back up close to where it was before. After all, I don't want to hurt myself after I just started going back to gym. Wouldn't I feel foolish haha.
As I anticipated, I'm pretty darn sore today. Not as sore as I expected, but when I woak up, I thought I wouldn't be able to move my arm there for a second because my triceps hurt so bad. I had wanted to go back today, but I had some other (damn) business to take care of. I'm going to try and get in two more days this week, tomorrow, then on Thanksgiving, whenever the gym is open.
One thing sort of disappointed me yesterday and, as usual, it's totally my fault. I had a good workout; I was doing well, but the (almost) first thing I did when I got home is blew it all on the mother of all pizza benders. WHY CAN'T I EVER USE ANY SELF CONTROL? I dunno, I'm just lame like that.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Retail Annoyances
Allow me, if you will, a second to rant. You people, and you know who you are, who go shopping and insist on taking the most amount of time possible regardless of how many people are behind you really get on my nerves.
These people fall into three basic groups:
1) Coupon users: One coupon is fine, but what is the deal with those who hold up a line to save 10 cents on a jar of generic peanuts? I was in Wal-Greens today and when I walked in, this old lady was at the register checking out. I walked around, got a few things, then when I came to the checkout, that lady was still there! Seriously, have you no consideration for people who are in a hurry?
2) Coin counters: What people who don't work retail don't realize is that, as part of our job performance evaluation, most register transactions are timed. While it may seem like a good idea to you to count out 5 dollars in nickels one-by-one digging through your purse, it is profoundly annoying to the person at the register at the people behind you.
3) Check writers: These people, like the coupon users, tend to be old. I find checks to be an extremely dated medium, but if you feel you must, and the option is available, please, let the cashier use the autofill so you don't have to write it all out. I know computers are big and scary, but please, save everybody some time and just take the risk.
Anyway, that's all.
These people fall into three basic groups:
1) Coupon users: One coupon is fine, but what is the deal with those who hold up a line to save 10 cents on a jar of generic peanuts? I was in Wal-Greens today and when I walked in, this old lady was at the register checking out. I walked around, got a few things, then when I came to the checkout, that lady was still there! Seriously, have you no consideration for people who are in a hurry?
2) Coin counters: What people who don't work retail don't realize is that, as part of our job performance evaluation, most register transactions are timed. While it may seem like a good idea to you to count out 5 dollars in nickels one-by-one digging through your purse, it is profoundly annoying to the person at the register at the people behind you.
3) Check writers: These people, like the coupon users, tend to be old. I find checks to be an extremely dated medium, but if you feel you must, and the option is available, please, let the cashier use the autofill so you don't have to write it all out. I know computers are big and scary, but please, save everybody some time and just take the risk.
Anyway, that's all.
Here I am.... sick..... again. It gets pretty old, I must say. Thankfully, this is just a cold and it will soon pass. My mom actually made me go to the doctor the other day just to make sure it wasn't anything big.
I also got my port out yesterday. This marks the official end of my chemo. I thought I would feel more liberated than I do, but that was such a hectic day, I guess it hasn't hit me yet that the chemo is actually done. I had dreamed of the day for a while; either the day of the port removal or the next one, I would go to the gym and get a good workout in, I couldn't though because of this son of a bitch cold. I took the dog for a walk instead. Not really a great alternative, but its something. I don't know when the true re-building of my body will begin, but one of these days, I will have to get the willpower to do something.
I also got my port out yesterday. This marks the official end of my chemo. I thought I would feel more liberated than I do, but that was such a hectic day, I guess it hasn't hit me yet that the chemo is actually done. I had dreamed of the day for a while; either the day of the port removal or the next one, I would go to the gym and get a good workout in, I couldn't though because of this son of a bitch cold. I took the dog for a walk instead. Not really a great alternative, but its something. I don't know when the true re-building of my body will begin, but one of these days, I will have to get the willpower to do something.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Coming Back to Life
I feel the end has come to my post cancer lethargy. I think it was good to simply get out of town for a few days and get away from all the memories of the past few months. Although what's funny about that is I didn't get away totally, two of my doctors were there as well. Oh well, that's ok, one shouldn't totally forget.
In the spirit of my re-awakening, one of the first things I did was email the professor at my graduate school and started to get all my school stuff in order. I've also been reading more and starting to get out of the mental slump that has actually existed well before the cancer.
One thing I just can't seem to get to, however, is the physical stuff. I realized while walking through Central Park just how out of shape I actually am. A lot of my muscle definition is gone and I can hardly walk up a bunch of stairs without feeling winded. My port comes out next Wednesday, so hopefully I can start hitting the gym again soon.
In the spirit of my re-awakening, one of the first things I did was email the professor at my graduate school and started to get all my school stuff in order. I've also been reading more and starting to get out of the mental slump that has actually existed well before the cancer.
One thing I just can't seem to get to, however, is the physical stuff. I realized while walking through Central Park just how out of shape I actually am. A lot of my muscle definition is gone and I can hardly walk up a bunch of stairs without feeling winded. My port comes out next Wednesday, so hopefully I can start hitting the gym again soon.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
The Big Apple
I'm in New York City this weekend. My father had a business trip and since I was still in town and not able to be in school, we all thought it would be a good idea for me to tag along sort of as a birthday/post-cancer/early Christmas trip. I've never been to the city before and I have to say that I find it quite overwhelming to the senses. Especially in times square where our hotel is. All the people, all the cars, all the lights, all the noise reminds you that you are definitely not in Kansas anymore [1].
The trip is super organized, which is how I prefer to travel. I guess I just have no sense of adventure, but so what, it works for me. Getting out of town, to a place I've never been and that is totally unlike home is exactly what I needed. As I wrote in my last blog, I've been feeling sort of bland and like a walking zombie. I can't say that I'm refreshed totally yet, but the brisk NYC weather is making me feel more and more alive.
[1] I know, it's cliche, and especially unforgivable considering I've never even been to Kansas.
The trip is super organized, which is how I prefer to travel. I guess I just have no sense of adventure, but so what, it works for me. Getting out of town, to a place I've never been and that is totally unlike home is exactly what I needed. As I wrote in my last blog, I've been feeling sort of bland and like a walking zombie. I can't say that I'm refreshed totally yet, but the brisk NYC weather is making me feel more and more alive.
[1] I know, it's cliche, and especially unforgivable considering I've never even been to Kansas.
Blah Bleg
The main emotion that has characterized my post-cancer life thus far has been that of indifference. I've been generally emotionless [1] and totally unable to be excited by any of the things I should be excited about; my birthday, my trip, and obviously the end of my cancer treatments. I had a hard time putting my finger on why, but I think it largely has to do with the fact that I'm somewhat less important than I was before. When I had cancer, people looked at me different, they treated me nicer and were generally better. Not to say that they've all turned into jerks now, but I've discovered that post-cancer life is...... dare I say..... normal.
I wouldn't say that my transition back into non-cancer life has been quite what I expected. But perhaps my expectations of how I thought it would be were unrealistic. I had visions of me being super fit, a more avid reader, and several other things that I can't quite recall at the moment. I could still be those things, of course, because things are really just beginning but I should end the delusion that things were going to be as easy as I had earlier envisioned.
[1] Except for frustration, which is unavoidable when working retail.
I wouldn't say that my transition back into non-cancer life has been quite what I expected. But perhaps my expectations of how I thought it would be were unrealistic. I had visions of me being super fit, a more avid reader, and several other things that I can't quite recall at the moment. I could still be those things, of course, because things are really just beginning but I should end the delusion that things were going to be as easy as I had earlier envisioned.
[1] Except for frustration, which is unavoidable when working retail.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Thoughts on the Obama Presidency
I interrupt this normal blog about cancer to talk a little politics. Now that the election is over (thank GOD!) and we know who are next president is going to be, I naturally had a few thoughts on the matter.
First of all, Obama has a very tough road ahead of him. However, I think his task will be greatly eased by that fact that he isn't named Bush. Foreign policywise, at least, things should be a bit easier for him than they currently are for GWB, largely because Obama is more liked on the world stage. Things could get interesting, however, with Russia. Obama had been president-elect for less than 24 hours before they started trouble and frankly, I'm not sure how one would even deal with a country like Russia. I happen to think that Bush and Putin are cut from the same jib, and while Obama may have an easier task with foreign leaders in general, it may be tougher for him with Russia. We'll see, said the zen master.
The second thing is his relationship with congress. Much like the republicans did for most of the Bush presidency, save the last two years, Obama's party controls both houses by pretty strong majorities. This is both a great opportunity and full of danger at the same time. It's an opportunity, obviously, because he can steamroll his agenda through congress with little resistance and few compromises. The problems, however, can be twofold. First is the fact that, due to the fact that his party does control congress, he (and congress) will have no excuses about getting things done. In the past, they could blame republican obstructionism, they have no such luxury now. A second and opposite problem is the fact that they may get too much done and be viewed as overstepping their bounds. America is, I believe, a center-right nation and if congress and Obama get a little too crazy with leftwingery, they will be gone in 4 years.
In short, I wish our pointy eared overlord luck, but he's sure as hell going to need it.
First of all, Obama has a very tough road ahead of him. However, I think his task will be greatly eased by that fact that he isn't named Bush. Foreign policywise, at least, things should be a bit easier for him than they currently are for GWB, largely because Obama is more liked on the world stage. Things could get interesting, however, with Russia. Obama had been president-elect for less than 24 hours before they started trouble and frankly, I'm not sure how one would even deal with a country like Russia. I happen to think that Bush and Putin are cut from the same jib, and while Obama may have an easier task with foreign leaders in general, it may be tougher for him with Russia. We'll see, said the zen master.
The second thing is his relationship with congress. Much like the republicans did for most of the Bush presidency, save the last two years, Obama's party controls both houses by pretty strong majorities. This is both a great opportunity and full of danger at the same time. It's an opportunity, obviously, because he can steamroll his agenda through congress with little resistance and few compromises. The problems, however, can be twofold. First is the fact that, due to the fact that his party does control congress, he (and congress) will have no excuses about getting things done. In the past, they could blame republican obstructionism, they have no such luxury now. A second and opposite problem is the fact that they may get too much done and be viewed as overstepping their bounds. America is, I believe, a center-right nation and if congress and Obama get a little too crazy with leftwingery, they will be gone in 4 years.
In short, I wish our pointy eared overlord luck, but he's sure as hell going to need it.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Despite the issues with my hydration and the fact that I haven't been able to do a solid workout yet, my weight this week was down a little bit, 218, from 220 last time I weighed. I think a lot of my steroid weight has come off recently and I've also been losing some water weight. I don't really expect this to continue without some kind of exercize plan, but it's hard to find the motivation when I can't life because of my port. I'm hoping that on Wednesday the doctor gives me the all clear and that I can get this damn thing out of me and hit the gym in a serious way.
This week, I've set a fairly easy fitness goal for myself. Recently I've become enamored with Durango Joe's burritos. I've been averaging about two a week. No more! In high school, when I was losing weight, I was able to eat the burritos they served for breakfast once a week, but I don't know that I have quite the same will power now that I had back then. So, for the time being, I'll just have to stay away totally.
Maybe someday I will learn some self-control.
This week, I've set a fairly easy fitness goal for myself. Recently I've become enamored with Durango Joe's burritos. I've been averaging about two a week. No more! In high school, when I was losing weight, I was able to eat the burritos they served for breakfast once a week, but I don't know that I have quite the same will power now that I had back then. So, for the time being, I'll just have to stay away totally.
Maybe someday I will learn some self-control.
Blog VIII
I mentioned last time that I might need to re-think my hydration strategy. Upon further reflection, I still think I need to change it, just not in the way that I had previously mentioned. I believe that I'm drinking enough, but the time of day when I drink is seeming to become more relevant. I've been getting up a lot during the night to use the bathroom. While not a huge deal, it has been impacting my sleep.
I think I'm going to stick with my gallon a day plan for a little while longer, just try and proportion it differently.
I think I'm going to stick with my gallon a day plan for a little while longer, just try and proportion it differently.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Blog VII
I ask myself frequently, what is the point of having this blog? Nobody reads it and thus far I haven't really made any changes worthy of any mention at all, which is the whole reason I started it in the first place.
In the past, I have given up on blogs simply because I run out of things to say and nobody cared enough to read it even when I did. I think what I need is a change in perspective. Honestly, who cares if people read it? A blog is a diverse thing. It can be a popular one that people read and comment on or it can be a chronicle of somebody's life, a record of their journey. The problem is that I have always shot for the former when I should have been looking for the latter. I have an opportunity to change and the modern technology to chronicle it.
I also have to stick with it. In past blogs I've given up too fast. I managed to keep one of my other blogs for a few months, but I eventually quit it. I need to try harder to stick with it this time around.
In the past, I have given up on blogs simply because I run out of things to say and nobody cared enough to read it even when I did. I think what I need is a change in perspective. Honestly, who cares if people read it? A blog is a diverse thing. It can be a popular one that people read and comment on or it can be a chronicle of somebody's life, a record of their journey. The problem is that I have always shot for the former when I should have been looking for the latter. I have an opportunity to change and the modern technology to chronicle it.
I also have to stick with it. In past blogs I've given up too fast. I managed to keep one of my other blogs for a few months, but I eventually quit it. I need to try harder to stick with it this time around.
Blog VI
On my scale of important days, Halloween doesn't really register much. Honestly, it never did, even when I was a kid. It always seemed like more of a hassle than anything. I can get my own damn candy, why actually knock on people's doors for it? Frankly, I never even understood the point of it or what it was for. On that note, I didn't do anything this year that I don't normally do on Friday. Actually, I crashed out early, around 9 haha.
******* Totally unrelated point coming ***********
What I find funny is the disconnect between how we envision how our lives could be verses the reality of how it probably will be. For my post cancer life, for example, I've spent many useless brain cells imagining how I would be physically, spiritually, emotionally and honestly, I just lack the will power to achieve all of those goals. For the last several years, since high school, I've lacked serious motivation to do anything hard that doesn't involve school or work. It's like I have no desire to improve my life. Why? Who knows. Anyway, as frustrating as it is, I will try to keep at it.
I still haven't found the motivation to hit the elliptical runner, but I have been doing better with my hydration. I've been drinking over a gallon a day, but it still doesn't quite seem to be enough. I've been feeling better, but my urine is still a yellowish color, which means I'm still probably not drinking enough. Anyway, I'll finish out the week with a gallon then bump it up to a gallon and a liter next week.
******* Totally unrelated point coming ***********
What I find funny is the disconnect between how we envision how our lives could be verses the reality of how it probably will be. For my post cancer life, for example, I've spent many useless brain cells imagining how I would be physically, spiritually, emotionally and honestly, I just lack the will power to achieve all of those goals. For the last several years, since high school, I've lacked serious motivation to do anything hard that doesn't involve school or work. It's like I have no desire to improve my life. Why? Who knows. Anyway, as frustrating as it is, I will try to keep at it.
I still haven't found the motivation to hit the elliptical runner, but I have been doing better with my hydration. I've been drinking over a gallon a day, but it still doesn't quite seem to be enough. I've been feeling better, but my urine is still a yellowish color, which means I'm still probably not drinking enough. Anyway, I'll finish out the week with a gallon then bump it up to a gallon and a liter next week.
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