I managed to survive another Roswell trip. It was not wholly terrible, but as usual, it wreaked havoc on my digestive system. I always manage to get an upset stomach when I'm there. I don't know if its the food itself- which tends to contain more dairy than my stomach likes- or the shear quantity of food I tend to eat when I'm there. I suspect it is the food itself because I tend to be a binge eater and eat a lot when I'm home too, although without the stomach problems I tend to get when I'm there.
But no matter, I'll be home tomorrow and back to normal with my diet. I suspect that's not a good thing, though, because my normal diet sucks. That's really the problem with my attempts at fitness: I have neither the proper diet nor the consistency in my workouts to make any long-term difference. That's what I had when I successfully lost weight back in high school, a decent diet and a consistent workout plan. I've tried many times to get back to repeat what I did then, but my daily routine is so different now it would be hard to fit that stuff in the way I used to...
Oh, who am I kidding, I just lack the will power.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Things I'm Thankful For
I've been blessed in many ways, especially this year:
1) My health, which I can't take for granted the way I used to.
2) The health and general prosperity of my family.
3) All the new stuff I've gotten in the last year.
4) That I'm not a Detroit Lions fan.
1) My health, which I can't take for granted the way I used to.
2) The health and general prosperity of my family.
3) All the new stuff I've gotten in the last year.
4) That I'm not a Detroit Lions fan.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
House M.D.: Nov. 25th
For a while, I thought House M.D. was starting to slip. The episodes had become formulaic (a patient comes in, they can't figure out what's wrong, they argue about it, but then eventually figure out what it is by the end of the episode.), the subplots were uninteresting and poorly developed, and the new group of doctors still hasn't meshed together as a unit the way the original group did.
The trailer for last night's episode didn't give me much confidence that that would be a particularly good episode either. In fact, I thought it was simply going to be a John Q ripoff. The basic premise largely was: unsatisfied with the treatment at the hospital, a crazed patient takes people at the hospital hostage until he gets his way. In both cases, the victim is saved and the hostage taker goes to jail. Of course, the comparison falls apart if one looks at the particulars of the plot, but it's still the same basic idea. The main difference, however, is the fact that John Q sucked and this episode was actually pretty good.
The guest star in this episode, Ċ½eljko Ivanek, was fantastic. I've been a big fan of his since his days on OZ and I always manage to be impressed by his performances. Hugh Laurie was also vintage, old school House and exactly how you could imagine him acting when faced with that sort of situation.
But the best part of this episode was the fact that it confirmed something that I always suspected to be true: Thirteen is hot even when dying of kidney failure, thankfully, she pulls through.
The trailer for last night's episode didn't give me much confidence that that would be a particularly good episode either. In fact, I thought it was simply going to be a John Q ripoff. The basic premise largely was: unsatisfied with the treatment at the hospital, a crazed patient takes people at the hospital hostage until he gets his way. In both cases, the victim is saved and the hostage taker goes to jail. Of course, the comparison falls apart if one looks at the particulars of the plot, but it's still the same basic idea. The main difference, however, is the fact that John Q sucked and this episode was actually pretty good.
The guest star in this episode, Ċ½eljko Ivanek, was fantastic. I've been a big fan of his since his days on OZ and I always manage to be impressed by his performances. Hugh Laurie was also vintage, old school House and exactly how you could imagine him acting when faced with that sort of situation.
But the best part of this episode was the fact that it confirmed something that I always suspected to be true: Thirteen is hot even when dying of kidney failure, thankfully, she pulls through.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Back to the Gym
So, for the first time since about July, I was finally able to hit the gym for a serious workout; with lifting and everything! I had used the cardio machine downstairs a few times and had taken my doggie out for a walk, but to me, anything that doesn't include pumping iron isn't really exercise.
I wasn't as weak as I had anticipated being. I wasn't able to lift near what I was, but I wasn't using the old lady weights either like i had thought. I did a few things with dumb bells, but I'll probably use more machines until I get my strength back up close to where it was before. After all, I don't want to hurt myself after I just started going back to gym. Wouldn't I feel foolish haha.
As I anticipated, I'm pretty darn sore today. Not as sore as I expected, but when I woak up, I thought I wouldn't be able to move my arm there for a second because my triceps hurt so bad. I had wanted to go back today, but I had some other (damn) business to take care of. I'm going to try and get in two more days this week, tomorrow, then on Thanksgiving, whenever the gym is open.
One thing sort of disappointed me yesterday and, as usual, it's totally my fault. I had a good workout; I was doing well, but the (almost) first thing I did when I got home is blew it all on the mother of all pizza benders. WHY CAN'T I EVER USE ANY SELF CONTROL? I dunno, I'm just lame like that.
I wasn't as weak as I had anticipated being. I wasn't able to lift near what I was, but I wasn't using the old lady weights either like i had thought. I did a few things with dumb bells, but I'll probably use more machines until I get my strength back up close to where it was before. After all, I don't want to hurt myself after I just started going back to gym. Wouldn't I feel foolish haha.
As I anticipated, I'm pretty darn sore today. Not as sore as I expected, but when I woak up, I thought I wouldn't be able to move my arm there for a second because my triceps hurt so bad. I had wanted to go back today, but I had some other (damn) business to take care of. I'm going to try and get in two more days this week, tomorrow, then on Thanksgiving, whenever the gym is open.
One thing sort of disappointed me yesterday and, as usual, it's totally my fault. I had a good workout; I was doing well, but the (almost) first thing I did when I got home is blew it all on the mother of all pizza benders. WHY CAN'T I EVER USE ANY SELF CONTROL? I dunno, I'm just lame like that.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Retail Annoyances
Allow me, if you will, a second to rant. You people, and you know who you are, who go shopping and insist on taking the most amount of time possible regardless of how many people are behind you really get on my nerves.
These people fall into three basic groups:
1) Coupon users: One coupon is fine, but what is the deal with those who hold up a line to save 10 cents on a jar of generic peanuts? I was in Wal-Greens today and when I walked in, this old lady was at the register checking out. I walked around, got a few things, then when I came to the checkout, that lady was still there! Seriously, have you no consideration for people who are in a hurry?
2) Coin counters: What people who don't work retail don't realize is that, as part of our job performance evaluation, most register transactions are timed. While it may seem like a good idea to you to count out 5 dollars in nickels one-by-one digging through your purse, it is profoundly annoying to the person at the register at the people behind you.
3) Check writers: These people, like the coupon users, tend to be old. I find checks to be an extremely dated medium, but if you feel you must, and the option is available, please, let the cashier use the autofill so you don't have to write it all out. I know computers are big and scary, but please, save everybody some time and just take the risk.
Anyway, that's all.
These people fall into three basic groups:
1) Coupon users: One coupon is fine, but what is the deal with those who hold up a line to save 10 cents on a jar of generic peanuts? I was in Wal-Greens today and when I walked in, this old lady was at the register checking out. I walked around, got a few things, then when I came to the checkout, that lady was still there! Seriously, have you no consideration for people who are in a hurry?
2) Coin counters: What people who don't work retail don't realize is that, as part of our job performance evaluation, most register transactions are timed. While it may seem like a good idea to you to count out 5 dollars in nickels one-by-one digging through your purse, it is profoundly annoying to the person at the register at the people behind you.
3) Check writers: These people, like the coupon users, tend to be old. I find checks to be an extremely dated medium, but if you feel you must, and the option is available, please, let the cashier use the autofill so you don't have to write it all out. I know computers are big and scary, but please, save everybody some time and just take the risk.
Anyway, that's all.
Here I am.... sick..... again. It gets pretty old, I must say. Thankfully, this is just a cold and it will soon pass. My mom actually made me go to the doctor the other day just to make sure it wasn't anything big.
I also got my port out yesterday. This marks the official end of my chemo. I thought I would feel more liberated than I do, but that was such a hectic day, I guess it hasn't hit me yet that the chemo is actually done. I had dreamed of the day for a while; either the day of the port removal or the next one, I would go to the gym and get a good workout in, I couldn't though because of this son of a bitch cold. I took the dog for a walk instead. Not really a great alternative, but its something. I don't know when the true re-building of my body will begin, but one of these days, I will have to get the willpower to do something.
I also got my port out yesterday. This marks the official end of my chemo. I thought I would feel more liberated than I do, but that was such a hectic day, I guess it hasn't hit me yet that the chemo is actually done. I had dreamed of the day for a while; either the day of the port removal or the next one, I would go to the gym and get a good workout in, I couldn't though because of this son of a bitch cold. I took the dog for a walk instead. Not really a great alternative, but its something. I don't know when the true re-building of my body will begin, but one of these days, I will have to get the willpower to do something.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Coming Back to Life
I feel the end has come to my post cancer lethargy. I think it was good to simply get out of town for a few days and get away from all the memories of the past few months. Although what's funny about that is I didn't get away totally, two of my doctors were there as well. Oh well, that's ok, one shouldn't totally forget.
In the spirit of my re-awakening, one of the first things I did was email the professor at my graduate school and started to get all my school stuff in order. I've also been reading more and starting to get out of the mental slump that has actually existed well before the cancer.
One thing I just can't seem to get to, however, is the physical stuff. I realized while walking through Central Park just how out of shape I actually am. A lot of my muscle definition is gone and I can hardly walk up a bunch of stairs without feeling winded. My port comes out next Wednesday, so hopefully I can start hitting the gym again soon.
In the spirit of my re-awakening, one of the first things I did was email the professor at my graduate school and started to get all my school stuff in order. I've also been reading more and starting to get out of the mental slump that has actually existed well before the cancer.
One thing I just can't seem to get to, however, is the physical stuff. I realized while walking through Central Park just how out of shape I actually am. A lot of my muscle definition is gone and I can hardly walk up a bunch of stairs without feeling winded. My port comes out next Wednesday, so hopefully I can start hitting the gym again soon.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
The Big Apple
I'm in New York City this weekend. My father had a business trip and since I was still in town and not able to be in school, we all thought it would be a good idea for me to tag along sort of as a birthday/post-cancer/early Christmas trip. I've never been to the city before and I have to say that I find it quite overwhelming to the senses. Especially in times square where our hotel is. All the people, all the cars, all the lights, all the noise reminds you that you are definitely not in Kansas anymore [1].
The trip is super organized, which is how I prefer to travel. I guess I just have no sense of adventure, but so what, it works for me. Getting out of town, to a place I've never been and that is totally unlike home is exactly what I needed. As I wrote in my last blog, I've been feeling sort of bland and like a walking zombie. I can't say that I'm refreshed totally yet, but the brisk NYC weather is making me feel more and more alive.
[1] I know, it's cliche, and especially unforgivable considering I've never even been to Kansas.
The trip is super organized, which is how I prefer to travel. I guess I just have no sense of adventure, but so what, it works for me. Getting out of town, to a place I've never been and that is totally unlike home is exactly what I needed. As I wrote in my last blog, I've been feeling sort of bland and like a walking zombie. I can't say that I'm refreshed totally yet, but the brisk NYC weather is making me feel more and more alive.
[1] I know, it's cliche, and especially unforgivable considering I've never even been to Kansas.
Blah Bleg
The main emotion that has characterized my post-cancer life thus far has been that of indifference. I've been generally emotionless [1] and totally unable to be excited by any of the things I should be excited about; my birthday, my trip, and obviously the end of my cancer treatments. I had a hard time putting my finger on why, but I think it largely has to do with the fact that I'm somewhat less important than I was before. When I had cancer, people looked at me different, they treated me nicer and were generally better. Not to say that they've all turned into jerks now, but I've discovered that post-cancer life is...... dare I say..... normal.
I wouldn't say that my transition back into non-cancer life has been quite what I expected. But perhaps my expectations of how I thought it would be were unrealistic. I had visions of me being super fit, a more avid reader, and several other things that I can't quite recall at the moment. I could still be those things, of course, because things are really just beginning but I should end the delusion that things were going to be as easy as I had earlier envisioned.
[1] Except for frustration, which is unavoidable when working retail.
I wouldn't say that my transition back into non-cancer life has been quite what I expected. But perhaps my expectations of how I thought it would be were unrealistic. I had visions of me being super fit, a more avid reader, and several other things that I can't quite recall at the moment. I could still be those things, of course, because things are really just beginning but I should end the delusion that things were going to be as easy as I had earlier envisioned.
[1] Except for frustration, which is unavoidable when working retail.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Thoughts on the Obama Presidency
I interrupt this normal blog about cancer to talk a little politics. Now that the election is over (thank GOD!) and we know who are next president is going to be, I naturally had a few thoughts on the matter.
First of all, Obama has a very tough road ahead of him. However, I think his task will be greatly eased by that fact that he isn't named Bush. Foreign policywise, at least, things should be a bit easier for him than they currently are for GWB, largely because Obama is more liked on the world stage. Things could get interesting, however, with Russia. Obama had been president-elect for less than 24 hours before they started trouble and frankly, I'm not sure how one would even deal with a country like Russia. I happen to think that Bush and Putin are cut from the same jib, and while Obama may have an easier task with foreign leaders in general, it may be tougher for him with Russia. We'll see, said the zen master.
The second thing is his relationship with congress. Much like the republicans did for most of the Bush presidency, save the last two years, Obama's party controls both houses by pretty strong majorities. This is both a great opportunity and full of danger at the same time. It's an opportunity, obviously, because he can steamroll his agenda through congress with little resistance and few compromises. The problems, however, can be twofold. First is the fact that, due to the fact that his party does control congress, he (and congress) will have no excuses about getting things done. In the past, they could blame republican obstructionism, they have no such luxury now. A second and opposite problem is the fact that they may get too much done and be viewed as overstepping their bounds. America is, I believe, a center-right nation and if congress and Obama get a little too crazy with leftwingery, they will be gone in 4 years.
In short, I wish our pointy eared overlord luck, but he's sure as hell going to need it.
First of all, Obama has a very tough road ahead of him. However, I think his task will be greatly eased by that fact that he isn't named Bush. Foreign policywise, at least, things should be a bit easier for him than they currently are for GWB, largely because Obama is more liked on the world stage. Things could get interesting, however, with Russia. Obama had been president-elect for less than 24 hours before they started trouble and frankly, I'm not sure how one would even deal with a country like Russia. I happen to think that Bush and Putin are cut from the same jib, and while Obama may have an easier task with foreign leaders in general, it may be tougher for him with Russia. We'll see, said the zen master.
The second thing is his relationship with congress. Much like the republicans did for most of the Bush presidency, save the last two years, Obama's party controls both houses by pretty strong majorities. This is both a great opportunity and full of danger at the same time. It's an opportunity, obviously, because he can steamroll his agenda through congress with little resistance and few compromises. The problems, however, can be twofold. First is the fact that, due to the fact that his party does control congress, he (and congress) will have no excuses about getting things done. In the past, they could blame republican obstructionism, they have no such luxury now. A second and opposite problem is the fact that they may get too much done and be viewed as overstepping their bounds. America is, I believe, a center-right nation and if congress and Obama get a little too crazy with leftwingery, they will be gone in 4 years.
In short, I wish our pointy eared overlord luck, but he's sure as hell going to need it.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Despite the issues with my hydration and the fact that I haven't been able to do a solid workout yet, my weight this week was down a little bit, 218, from 220 last time I weighed. I think a lot of my steroid weight has come off recently and I've also been losing some water weight. I don't really expect this to continue without some kind of exercize plan, but it's hard to find the motivation when I can't life because of my port. I'm hoping that on Wednesday the doctor gives me the all clear and that I can get this damn thing out of me and hit the gym in a serious way.
This week, I've set a fairly easy fitness goal for myself. Recently I've become enamored with Durango Joe's burritos. I've been averaging about two a week. No more! In high school, when I was losing weight, I was able to eat the burritos they served for breakfast once a week, but I don't know that I have quite the same will power now that I had back then. So, for the time being, I'll just have to stay away totally.
Maybe someday I will learn some self-control.
This week, I've set a fairly easy fitness goal for myself. Recently I've become enamored with Durango Joe's burritos. I've been averaging about two a week. No more! In high school, when I was losing weight, I was able to eat the burritos they served for breakfast once a week, but I don't know that I have quite the same will power now that I had back then. So, for the time being, I'll just have to stay away totally.
Maybe someday I will learn some self-control.
Blog VIII
I mentioned last time that I might need to re-think my hydration strategy. Upon further reflection, I still think I need to change it, just not in the way that I had previously mentioned. I believe that I'm drinking enough, but the time of day when I drink is seeming to become more relevant. I've been getting up a lot during the night to use the bathroom. While not a huge deal, it has been impacting my sleep.
I think I'm going to stick with my gallon a day plan for a little while longer, just try and proportion it differently.
I think I'm going to stick with my gallon a day plan for a little while longer, just try and proportion it differently.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Blog VII
I ask myself frequently, what is the point of having this blog? Nobody reads it and thus far I haven't really made any changes worthy of any mention at all, which is the whole reason I started it in the first place.
In the past, I have given up on blogs simply because I run out of things to say and nobody cared enough to read it even when I did. I think what I need is a change in perspective. Honestly, who cares if people read it? A blog is a diverse thing. It can be a popular one that people read and comment on or it can be a chronicle of somebody's life, a record of their journey. The problem is that I have always shot for the former when I should have been looking for the latter. I have an opportunity to change and the modern technology to chronicle it.
I also have to stick with it. In past blogs I've given up too fast. I managed to keep one of my other blogs for a few months, but I eventually quit it. I need to try harder to stick with it this time around.
In the past, I have given up on blogs simply because I run out of things to say and nobody cared enough to read it even when I did. I think what I need is a change in perspective. Honestly, who cares if people read it? A blog is a diverse thing. It can be a popular one that people read and comment on or it can be a chronicle of somebody's life, a record of their journey. The problem is that I have always shot for the former when I should have been looking for the latter. I have an opportunity to change and the modern technology to chronicle it.
I also have to stick with it. In past blogs I've given up too fast. I managed to keep one of my other blogs for a few months, but I eventually quit it. I need to try harder to stick with it this time around.
Blog VI
On my scale of important days, Halloween doesn't really register much. Honestly, it never did, even when I was a kid. It always seemed like more of a hassle than anything. I can get my own damn candy, why actually knock on people's doors for it? Frankly, I never even understood the point of it or what it was for. On that note, I didn't do anything this year that I don't normally do on Friday. Actually, I crashed out early, around 9 haha.
******* Totally unrelated point coming ***********
What I find funny is the disconnect between how we envision how our lives could be verses the reality of how it probably will be. For my post cancer life, for example, I've spent many useless brain cells imagining how I would be physically, spiritually, emotionally and honestly, I just lack the will power to achieve all of those goals. For the last several years, since high school, I've lacked serious motivation to do anything hard that doesn't involve school or work. It's like I have no desire to improve my life. Why? Who knows. Anyway, as frustrating as it is, I will try to keep at it.
I still haven't found the motivation to hit the elliptical runner, but I have been doing better with my hydration. I've been drinking over a gallon a day, but it still doesn't quite seem to be enough. I've been feeling better, but my urine is still a yellowish color, which means I'm still probably not drinking enough. Anyway, I'll finish out the week with a gallon then bump it up to a gallon and a liter next week.
******* Totally unrelated point coming ***********
What I find funny is the disconnect between how we envision how our lives could be verses the reality of how it probably will be. For my post cancer life, for example, I've spent many useless brain cells imagining how I would be physically, spiritually, emotionally and honestly, I just lack the will power to achieve all of those goals. For the last several years, since high school, I've lacked serious motivation to do anything hard that doesn't involve school or work. It's like I have no desire to improve my life. Why? Who knows. Anyway, as frustrating as it is, I will try to keep at it.
I still haven't found the motivation to hit the elliptical runner, but I have been doing better with my hydration. I've been drinking over a gallon a day, but it still doesn't quite seem to be enough. I've been feeling better, but my urine is still a yellowish color, which means I'm still probably not drinking enough. Anyway, I'll finish out the week with a gallon then bump it up to a gallon and a liter next week.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Blog V
Like I had guessed, my PET scan was read early. Lucky me, it all came back normal and the stuff they found on the one back in July was gone. I figured it would be, but it was still nice to have the confirmation. All I have left is the second blood test to confirm everything then I will officially be done with this cancer crap. Woohoo!!
I also voted today. I was planning to wait until election day, but I had nothing else to do, so I just went today. I had threatened to vote third party and today I actually followed through and voted for Barr for President.
The thing about my health stuff, I'm still slacking really bad. I am starting to wonder what in the hell it is going to take to motivate me. The water intake has been the issue lately and I haven't realized how thirsty and dehydrated I've been until I started drinking. I was able to down nearly 2 liters before I began to even feel like normal. That's not good! Anyway, that's going to be my first step, try and drink more water, at least a gallon a day.
Tomorrow is a new day!
I also voted today. I was planning to wait until election day, but I had nothing else to do, so I just went today. I had threatened to vote third party and today I actually followed through and voted for Barr for President.
The thing about my health stuff, I'm still slacking really bad. I am starting to wonder what in the hell it is going to take to motivate me. The water intake has been the issue lately and I haven't realized how thirsty and dehydrated I've been until I started drinking. I was able to down nearly 2 liters before I began to even feel like normal. That's not good! Anyway, that's going to be my first step, try and drink more water, at least a gallon a day.
Tomorrow is a new day!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Blog IV
I had my PET scan today. I guess the images turned out good, but I don't know how long it will take before somebody looks at them. I have a doctors appointment next Wednesday, so hopefully it will be before then. Last time, my old man had a doctor look at them beforehand so we knew what was coming. We basically know this time as well, I just don't know if somebody is going to look at the results before.
The preparation for the PET is a total bitch. Whereas with the CAT, they just inject you with some nasty shit and you're on your way, with the PET, you have to follow a super low, basically no, carb diet the day before. I know people do this as a matter of lifestyle, but if it's not something you do everyday, it can be really tough and cause you to have a really, really long day. That's basically what yesterday was, a really long and bad day. I had a raging headache all afternoon and made several uncharacteristic screw ups at work. Three of them were pretty easy to fix, but one has the potential to cause me big trouble down the road.
The actual PET itself isn't such a big thing. Unlike the CAT, however, it takes much longer. They first inject you with glucose (and some radioactive material as well), then make you sit in a dark room for half an hour. You can literally do nothing but sit there, however, it can be kind of nice to have some alone time with your thoughts. After that, you go and lie in a machine that basically looks like a CAT scan machine for another half hour. Once again you aren't able to do anything to pass the time. You just lie there.
If I had to compare the CAT scan and the PET scan, I'd say it is about a draw. The prep for the CAT scan is pretty easy. All you have to do is drink the contrast beforehand, which, unlike most people say, I don't find to be that bad. The stuff they inject you with, though, I think some of the most horrendous stuff ever. The injection stuff for the PET is tame and the actual procedure itself can be kind of nice, but the day before totally sucks. All in all, it's a wash.
I totally failed on my diet today, but I think I had a valid excuse. I was hardly able to eat at all yesterday and I wasn't allowed to eat at all this morning. I went on a bit of a Taco Bell bender, which is of course not good. I didn't do well with my water consumption either. I think part of my health failures so far is the fact that I haven't felt truly able to move on yet. While my chemo might be done and my cancer (probably) gone, I'm still doing doctor/medical stuff and as long as I still have my port in, it's hard to get back to "normal" life.
Oh well, you have to keep trying, right? Tomorrow is another day.
The preparation for the PET is a total bitch. Whereas with the CAT, they just inject you with some nasty shit and you're on your way, with the PET, you have to follow a super low, basically no, carb diet the day before. I know people do this as a matter of lifestyle, but if it's not something you do everyday, it can be really tough and cause you to have a really, really long day. That's basically what yesterday was, a really long and bad day. I had a raging headache all afternoon and made several uncharacteristic screw ups at work. Three of them were pretty easy to fix, but one has the potential to cause me big trouble down the road.
The actual PET itself isn't such a big thing. Unlike the CAT, however, it takes much longer. They first inject you with glucose (and some radioactive material as well), then make you sit in a dark room for half an hour. You can literally do nothing but sit there, however, it can be kind of nice to have some alone time with your thoughts. After that, you go and lie in a machine that basically looks like a CAT scan machine for another half hour. Once again you aren't able to do anything to pass the time. You just lie there.
If I had to compare the CAT scan and the PET scan, I'd say it is about a draw. The prep for the CAT scan is pretty easy. All you have to do is drink the contrast beforehand, which, unlike most people say, I don't find to be that bad. The stuff they inject you with, though, I think some of the most horrendous stuff ever. The injection stuff for the PET is tame and the actual procedure itself can be kind of nice, but the day before totally sucks. All in all, it's a wash.
I totally failed on my diet today, but I think I had a valid excuse. I was hardly able to eat at all yesterday and I wasn't allowed to eat at all this morning. I went on a bit of a Taco Bell bender, which is of course not good. I didn't do well with my water consumption either. I think part of my health failures so far is the fact that I haven't felt truly able to move on yet. While my chemo might be done and my cancer (probably) gone, I'm still doing doctor/medical stuff and as long as I still have my port in, it's hard to get back to "normal" life.
Oh well, you have to keep trying, right? Tomorrow is another day.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Blog III
I can't say that I've really gotten started on my weight loss mission yet. It's a very hard thing to do, getting me motivated. I probably shouldn't have had the Chunky Monkey last night, but hey, that was the first night that I could honestly say that I was 100% and felt the need to celebrate. Was I wrong? Basically, yes. Oh well, moving forward. Remember, it has to be baby steps.
One of the goals I had set for myself for this week was on my water consumption. Back when I was losing a lot of weight, I would drink over a gallon a day. It's a fairly meetable goal, but I failed pretty miserably at it. I drink a lot of diet soda, and while it's not bad for me, it's not ideal. That's ok though, there's still time this week to not mess it up. It's actually one of the few things that I can do when my diet is screwed up for the next few days because of my PET scan.
I guess it's ok. My appitite has been way down since I stopped taking the steroids. It seems to be less than it was even during my off weeks while I was actually on the chemo. Perhaps it's psychological, I knew the chemo was coming before, so I would justify the eating by thinking I should enjoy it while I could. Yeah, that's the ticket! But now, I know there is no more chemo coming so I don't feel the same need to eat. That chemo does crazy things to your though process, eh?
Oh, and by the way, I didn't do the elliptical runner like I said I was going to. It's hard to find the motivation to workout at all since I can't lift. Ugh.
One of the goals I had set for myself for this week was on my water consumption. Back when I was losing a lot of weight, I would drink over a gallon a day. It's a fairly meetable goal, but I failed pretty miserably at it. I drink a lot of diet soda, and while it's not bad for me, it's not ideal. That's ok though, there's still time this week to not mess it up. It's actually one of the few things that I can do when my diet is screwed up for the next few days because of my PET scan.
I guess it's ok. My appitite has been way down since I stopped taking the steroids. It seems to be less than it was even during my off weeks while I was actually on the chemo. Perhaps it's psychological, I knew the chemo was coming before, so I would justify the eating by thinking I should enjoy it while I could. Yeah, that's the ticket! But now, I know there is no more chemo coming so I don't feel the same need to eat. That chemo does crazy things to your though process, eh?
Oh, and by the way, I didn't do the elliptical runner like I said I was going to. It's hard to find the motivation to workout at all since I can't lift. Ugh.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Weight
With cancer, people tend to see dramatic weight loss as a common side effect, either of the cancer itself or the treatment. It is often the case, however, that weight gain can be the bigger problem. That's certainly true in my case. When I started chemo, I was around 210-213 pounds. Now, I'm 230.
The steroids are a major, if not main cause of the weight gain. But there's also the fact that I haven't worked out since July, when this whole ordeal started. Whatever the cause, my body has been trashed by this whole cancer experience and let's face it, it wasn't that great to begin with.
When I was in my senior year of high school, I managed to get fed up enough with my weight that I dropped close to 50 pounds. In those years since, my weight has slowly started to creep back up. My weight when I started back then? 230 pounds. Rather symbolic, don't you think? Every now and then I try and re-create what I did back then in hopes of regaining my weight loss glory, but to no avail. The time is now, however, for me to really start working on my body in a serious way again.
I have this pesky little port in my chest, and I'm afraid to lift with it in. That thing should be out by mid-November and I can start doing some of my old workouts again. Until then, I'll probably just hit the elliptical runner we have here at the house.
The steroids are a major, if not main cause of the weight gain. But there's also the fact that I haven't worked out since July, when this whole ordeal started. Whatever the cause, my body has been trashed by this whole cancer experience and let's face it, it wasn't that great to begin with.
When I was in my senior year of high school, I managed to get fed up enough with my weight that I dropped close to 50 pounds. In those years since, my weight has slowly started to creep back up. My weight when I started back then? 230 pounds. Rather symbolic, don't you think? Every now and then I try and re-create what I did back then in hopes of regaining my weight loss glory, but to no avail. The time is now, however, for me to really start working on my body in a serious way again.
I have this pesky little port in my chest, and I'm afraid to lift with it in. That thing should be out by mid-November and I can start doing some of my old workouts again. Until then, I'll probably just hit the elliptical runner we have here at the house.
Second Chance
It's something a lot of people don't get, and of those that do, many don't seize the opportunity. I don't want to be one of those people. I don't want to be one who has something so genuinely perfect staring him right in the face, yet refuses to take action. My willpower on such things is often lacking, however, and I am a lazy man. I need something to keep me motivated and on target. Hopefully this blog will help.
I've started many blogs in the past, but unlike most bloggers, it usually isn't very long before I realize that I have absolutely nothing to say. That's a very important and much underrated quality, having something to contribute. But certain life circumstances have changed my way of thinking a bit.
At the ripe, young age of 23 I was diagnosed, treated, and most likely cured of cancer. Of course there is nothing at all unique about cancer, everybody knows somebody whose had it and by the end of their lives, it seems likely that they will have it too. However, I believe that by having it at my age, it really gives you an interesting perspective. Kids get cancer, of course, and it probably does impact the way the live their lives, but the problem with kids is that they lack perspective. They don't really have a pre-cancer life that they can compare to and alter during their post cancer life. 23 year olds, I believe, perhaps just enough life experience to put it all together.
Older people who get cancer suffer much the same fate, only on the other end of the scale. They are often too set in their ways to really change their habits.
Perhaps this is all just hubris that comes with youth, but hopefully I can make something meaningful out of this chance.
I've started many blogs in the past, but unlike most bloggers, it usually isn't very long before I realize that I have absolutely nothing to say. That's a very important and much underrated quality, having something to contribute. But certain life circumstances have changed my way of thinking a bit.
At the ripe, young age of 23 I was diagnosed, treated, and most likely cured of cancer. Of course there is nothing at all unique about cancer, everybody knows somebody whose had it and by the end of their lives, it seems likely that they will have it too. However, I believe that by having it at my age, it really gives you an interesting perspective. Kids get cancer, of course, and it probably does impact the way the live their lives, but the problem with kids is that they lack perspective. They don't really have a pre-cancer life that they can compare to and alter during their post cancer life. 23 year olds, I believe, perhaps just enough life experience to put it all together.
Older people who get cancer suffer much the same fate, only on the other end of the scale. They are often too set in their ways to really change their habits.
Perhaps this is all just hubris that comes with youth, but hopefully I can make something meaningful out of this chance.
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