Felt kinda groggy when I woke up this morning, not terribly happy about it, but once I got moving about, things were good.
Rocked out to some Disturbed at the gym today, Believe album. This one is a bit different from The Sickness, a bit mellower, but it's nice. I had this one before but didn't really like it, but I don't think I gave it a fair shake though. Time will tell if I still feel this way. I also got the 1st Black Stone Cherry CD again... way better than the 2nd album... it's one of those things I had when it first came out but lost it somewhere. That seems to be happening a lot with my CD's... perhaps it's a conspiracy.
A resolution looks near on my bathroom-electrical situation. I went to the office today and he told me that there was this button on the outlet that resets the electrical jumbo (all very technical, I know) in there and that all I needed to do was reset it. He said I should be able to do that, but he'd send the guy over just in case. I found the button, reset it, and the electrical socket came to life. The overhead light, however, is still out. I'm thinking I probably screwed it up when I was messing with the light bulb. In any event, it will hopefully be taken care of by the time I get home.
Had some work to do today, so I came to campus. I had thought that I should probably study for econometrics, but since he moved the test to next Thursday (the 9th), my time would probably be better spent working on my public finance paper, which I'm woefully falling behind on. Of course, when I got here, I found that my word document was corrupt and wouldn't open.... damn you Microsoft, you foiled me again... but no worries, I worked on my data files today and got a little bit of it done. I still can't figure out the regression tools in the new Excel. I could do it in the old one easy, but this new one is really different and I don't much care for it. What is thing that tech companies have where they feel the need to change something that's perfectally nice and functional as it is without really adding anything new (listening facebook?)? The industry is obviously run by the techno geeks and not the business experts.
I figured it would also be a good time to work with the statistical software package that I will eventually have to learn how to use. I think I kinda figured it out and I should probably just screw Excel and do my project in here anyway.... I should probably buy a book... but ultimately, though, not much has been done today. Pretty much a big fat waste of time.
Nothing will probably be done tonight either because I don't much feel like it. We all have those days every now and then, but lately, I've been having a lot of them.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tuesday March 31
31 day months... I hate those... they seem so.... long? I bet if the Inca's were still around they would laugh at our feeble, nonsensical calender.
Woke up today in a crummy mood and it never really got better. No particular reason for, just the little things that have been building up that don't seem to be getting any better. Tuesday tends to be a bad mood day for me because of public finance on Monday night. I hate that class. With a fiery passion. Yesterday was no exception. We got our exams back, one that I had literally prepared for months for, to be greatly disappointed in my 83%. Way better than everybody else, but that's a pretty discouraging grade considering the trouble I went to for that exam. He gave us the chance to re-do it, with some sort of weird weighting system, that could potentially lower my score if I do worse. I can't imagine how I could do better, especially since I don't know what I did wrong and the material is not 3 weeks old... oye.... why give me such decisions when I'm already in a pissy mood.
He did say something, though, last night that I think was correct. At some point you really have to really stop worrying about grades and start to focus more on actually learning the material... that's what I tried to do and look where it got me... no better than I was. But I suppose the fact that I'm still thinking about this test tells me that I'm not there yet and the fact that I'm still worried over my econometrics test further stresses that point.
Ah yes.... econometrics... I've concluded that I'm woefully beyond my skill level in that class right now. I've never done any work with matrix algebra before and it is really starting to show. I think I'm going to have to swallow my pride and go ask the professor for help. Worst case scenario, I bomb the test, but since our lowest scores aren't weighted as much, it still wouldn't be too bad, but there I go again, thinking about the test and not actually knowing the material.
Looking at the bigger picture of life, though, I realize that I am hopelessly lost. Government work? Ugh. Private sector? Sounds better, but doing what? Maybe business consulting would be nice... ah yes, that would be.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Monday March 30
Woke up early..... too early.... 6:30; wanted to go back to sleep but couldn't... oh well, I guess an early start to what is typically a fairly long day. Wind is howling already.
Kind of piddled around the house this morning. Still no electricity in my bathroom... damn it all... caught up on my Google Reader.... neglected it for most of the weekend. I went to the gym around my usual time; had a pretty good workout. The half-hour on the elliptical runner always gives me time to think about things and gain deeper perspective on life. Not today though, I was focusing on nothing but how much cardio sucks... Tried to listen to some Nonpoint, the Development album, hard to get into that one, though, it's just too different from the rest of them. I guess I can say I don't like it that much, Recoil and To The Pain kick some major ass though.
When I get home from the gym, about 930, I usually waste a few hours before lunch, but I decided to make better use of my time today, I was going to do something productive and get my large pile of laundry (white shirts mostly) done because I didn't take them home with me the previous week. Naturally, the laundry room door was locked... seriously... it must be an impossibly hard task to run an apartment complex with any degree of competence because nobody can seem to quite do it. Blast it all.
Oh well, still plenty of things to do, finished up some public finance reading and worked on my econometrics for a while; still worried about this looming test, but I think things will workout just fine in the end... they usually do. I must not fret about such things, really.
I relaxed for a little while, watched a bit of Mystic River on tv... of course the good movies are always on when you don't have time to sit around and watch the whole thing. AMC seems to be doing some sort of Kevin Bacon profile this week. Of all the actors in the world, why him? He's prolific, but he kinda stinks. How is it that a guy who has been in so many movies can muster only 1 SAG award and a measly Golden Globe nomination? I don't like how he plays basically the same character in every movie.... a poor man's Tommy Lee Jones indeed. I end up liking a lot of his movies, but it's usually despite his performance.
Came to campus a little early this evening; wanted to get some writing here in my blog done. I find it hard to concentrate on it at home... too many distractions. I have the attention span of a gnat sometimes most of the time. I'm in the lab right now instead of the library. It's peaceful here, and usually devoid of the usual grab bag of nitwits, pedophiles (seriously) and various other creepy looking people that tend to hang out in the library. Plus it has Macs... and good air conditioning, which is a must.
I have to go to public finance here in a while... ugh... I hate that class. I like the subject, hate the actual process of sitting through this class, however.... more on that later.
Writing too much.... must.exit.blogger.now
Sunday March 29
Another day, another wild roller coaster of emotion. Woke up feeling good, the bright prospect of a new week, and a fresh start after spring break, staring at me and no major hurtles to overcome in the next week. Progressed to slightly pissed, no hot water.... NEVER ANY DAMN HOT WATER. Progressed further to quite angry because there seems to be no electricity at all in my bathroom.I thought it was simply a light bulb problem, but the outlet doesn't seem to work either. Oh well, at least I have a plug-in light from right outside the door that works.... for now. This damn bathroom is always causing trouble, there also appears to be a small leak in the tube that goes from the wall to the toilet. I have a bucket under it now, but some work that is beyond my skill level (which is zero) is going to need to be done.
Did I mention there is never any hot water?
I then progressed to slightly panicked as I realized my econometric notes were nothing but (only slightly) glorified chicken scratches. I was on top of that class for a while, but I feel it's starting to get away from me. I was relieved, however, once I saw that, even if I do bomb this test, it will only be weighted as 16% of my test score, not that much. I was further relieved to find my that my book has a fairly good explanation of what I was supposed to have in my notes.... ok..... all is well...
Around mid-afternoon an odd sense of euphoria hit me and I became.... energized? No, determined is the proper word. I cannot allow this world to get me down, regardless of whatever crap gets thrown in my direction. It's funny how so strong willed I can be when things really get tough, but how easily my strength evaporates when things are good. Need to work on that.
But now, as I write this, I feel an inner peace and I am relaxed, primed and ready to take on the week.
All is well.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Saturday March 28
Overall, I would say that my trip to Farmington for Spring Break was a success. I relaxed a little bit, watched some movies, and hung out with a few friends. Most importantly, perhaps, is that some lessons were learned.
First lesson is that me Mystery Girl will never be. We had a good thing for a while, but her true colors shined through this week. She's a liar, a sneak, and a two-faced coward and I am most definitely better off without her. Still, though, it is hard to give her up. I had strong feelings for her and I know she did for me too, but ultimately, I think she's a loser and somebody who will get me nowhere.
The second lesson, related to the first, is that some people are just train wrecks who will never change their colors. Perhaps these are the kinds of people who need friends the most, yet they inevitably bring the people around them down to their level. For too long, I was one of those people. I have allowed myself to be influenced by the toxic people that I surround myself with and it has had a huge impact on my mood. One thing I realized this trip is that there are enough good people in my life that I no longer have to bother with the bad.
Oh! And the most important thing I learned during the break was that I'm still cancer free.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Thursday March 26
I had some other stuff I was working on for here today, but frankly, I don't care about that stuff anymore.
Frankly, I'm kind of in a pissy mood tonight. It's a long and very dumb story, but essentially, I got totally played by a person who I thought was my friend. I should have seen it coming. I knew who this person was and what she was about, but I was a naive fool. A damned, naive fool. Then, of course, each time she makes such a fool out of me, I go crying to some of my friends about it.
Seriously, I'm pathetic.
But no more! I'm done with this person and I'm just sick of her bullshit.
Frankly, I'm kind of in a pissy mood tonight. It's a long and very dumb story, but essentially, I got totally played by a person who I thought was my friend. I should have seen it coming. I knew who this person was and what she was about, but I was a naive fool. A damned, naive fool. Then, of course, each time she makes such a fool out of me, I go crying to some of my friends about it.
Seriously, I'm pathetic.
But no more! I'm done with this person and I'm just sick of her bullshit.
Wednesday March 25
As I was watching Synecodoche, New York yesterday, it finally occured to me what I dislike about how Hollywood tends to do aging (i.e. making actors look "old"). I always found something particularly funny about it, but I could never realize just what it was that was that I didn't like. As I watched the "old" Samantha Morton (fine actress, BTW) the other day, I realized the thing that makes Hollywood aging unconvincing to me is the teeth. Old people tend to have bad teeth, young Hollywood starlets, not so much, so when they age a Hollywood actress, yet keep their teeth white and shiney, it really loses effect.
There's also something in the eyes as well, the color in older people tends to be a little but duller, but actors often have really brightly colored eyes. Movies where they do this kind of half-assed aging tend to lose me. Morton had the same problem with the eyes that she did with the teeth, they were really bright, which made her look younger than she was trying to be.
One of the nice things about being off of school for a while, besides the extra movie time, is the time I can catch up on my youtube watching. But this extra youtube time has made me realize how much I've lost interest in the site. It's a totally different place than it was when I first got into it.
It used to be personality driven, and that's what I liked about it, watching videos made by real people in their living rooms, but now it's something else. I don't want to say "corporate" because that puts a negative spin on it, but watching videos on the site isn't as appealing as it used to be.
Part of the problem is that waaaaaaay too many people on that site take themselves seriously. They get caught up in the allure of being an internet celebrity and don't realize until its too late that their videos actually suck. I think that part of the problem is that the people who are genuinely talented aren't taking that route anymore; they have seen too many of the people who gained "fame" via youtube totally flame-out when they are given a shot at real, mass entertainment and realize that it's not the way to go.
Being an internet celebrity is not the same as being a real celebrity. Next to the reality show celebrity, internet celebrity is lowest form of it. With both, being talented and actually accomplishing something isn't the deciding factor, it's how willing you are to get on internet (or tv) and make a total ass out of yourself and show how low are you willing to go (think Chris Crocker). And as time goes by, the internet celebrity fades because it isn't based on anything real.
But youtube still has a place in society, when something goes viral, we all still go to youtube.
There's also something in the eyes as well, the color in older people tends to be a little but duller, but actors often have really brightly colored eyes. Movies where they do this kind of half-assed aging tend to lose me. Morton had the same problem with the eyes that she did with the teeth, they were really bright, which made her look younger than she was trying to be.
One of the nice things about being off of school for a while, besides the extra movie time, is the time I can catch up on my youtube watching. But this extra youtube time has made me realize how much I've lost interest in the site. It's a totally different place than it was when I first got into it.
It used to be personality driven, and that's what I liked about it, watching videos made by real people in their living rooms, but now it's something else. I don't want to say "corporate" because that puts a negative spin on it, but watching videos on the site isn't as appealing as it used to be.
Part of the problem is that waaaaaaay too many people on that site take themselves seriously. They get caught up in the allure of being an internet celebrity and don't realize until its too late that their videos actually suck. I think that part of the problem is that the people who are genuinely talented aren't taking that route anymore; they have seen too many of the people who gained "fame" via youtube totally flame-out when they are given a shot at real, mass entertainment and realize that it's not the way to go.
Being an internet celebrity is not the same as being a real celebrity. Next to the reality show celebrity, internet celebrity is lowest form of it. With both, being talented and actually accomplishing something isn't the deciding factor, it's how willing you are to get on internet (or tv) and make a total ass out of yourself and show how low are you willing to go (think Chris Crocker). And as time goes by, the internet celebrity fades because it isn't based on anything real.
But youtube still has a place in society, when something goes viral, we all still go to youtube.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Tuesday March 24
I went and saw The Watchmen yesterday. I know, I know, it took me long enough, right? I thought it was good..... long...... but good. The Rorschach mask was cool, but I admit, I did find Dr. Manhattan's giant blue..... uh..... you know..... distracting.
But I did realize something that I didn't like about the movie, I don't care for Patrick Wilson as an actor. As I watched him in this movie, I thought back to the other movies I saw him in (Little Children, Angles in America) and I just find him very unconvincing. I don't know... maybe it's just me, but probably not.
I was supposed to have coffee with a friend yesterday at the Hastings coffee shop, but she didn't show up. I suspect she forgot. It's ok, I almost did too and I half expected it to happen. Truth be told, I kinda didn't want to go anyway. Sure, I like this person and wanted to spend some chit-chat time with her, but I have started to feel crushed under the burden of being so popular haha.... ok.... I'm a big fat liar.
I was supposed to have coffee with a friend yesterday at the Hastings coffee shop, but she didn't show up. I suspect she forgot. It's ok, I almost did too and I half expected it to happen. Truth be told, I kinda didn't want to go anyway. Sure, I like this person and wanted to spend some chit-chat time with her, but I have started to feel crushed under the burden of being so popular haha.... ok.... I'm a big fat liar.
Funny thing going back to Hastings, I hadn't realized just how much I missed the place. The job I didn't care for per-se, but I miss the people, my friends, and I especially miss the feeling that I'm important and people care or not if I show up. I don't get that feeling in my grad program. I'm an insignificant speck at an insignificant school in a program the university doesn't really care about.
Some more stuff happened today, but I'll write about it tomorrow.
Monday March 23
Found last night's episode of Breaking Bad to be rather interesing and surpising. So far this season I have noticed a definate shift in emphasis from the cancer to the drugs. I can't say that I really cared for this development, so I was quite impressed to see last night's episode go back a bit to the shows roots and why Walter is doing what he's doing in the first place. Although the show should be a little careful here and make sure that the story doesn't get too complicated and confusing.
I'm thinking that a digital camera is something I need to invest in. I've been using my mom's, but it stays here when I go off to school and it's a bit antiquated anyway. I rarely have expensive items of my own, I usually go without or ask mom and dad to get one for me, and I was going to look into getting a roomba, but since I have some money now, I'm thinking a camera might be the way to go.
I guess we'll see..
Wonderlic scores came out yesterday for the NFL draft prospects. I could never figure out why this piece of information has been important, nor if it is even used at all in player evaluation, but it certainly makes for some interesting gossip. With the exception of quarterback, center and middle linebacker (the only postions where I think intelligence is relevant), football is mostly physical and about memorization and I happen to think that intelligence and memorization are two totally different things. I wonder if anybody has evaluated the connection between wonderlic score and career success?
I'm thinking that a digital camera is something I need to invest in. I've been using my mom's, but it stays here when I go off to school and it's a bit antiquated anyway. I rarely have expensive items of my own, I usually go without or ask mom and dad to get one for me, and I was going to look into getting a roomba, but since I have some money now, I'm thinking a camera might be the way to go.
I guess we'll see..
Wonderlic scores came out yesterday for the NFL draft prospects. I could never figure out why this piece of information has been important, nor if it is even used at all in player evaluation, but it certainly makes for some interesting gossip. With the exception of quarterback, center and middle linebacker (the only postions where I think intelligence is relevant), football is mostly physical and about memorization and I happen to think that intelligence and memorization are two totally different things. I wonder if anybody has evaluated the connection between wonderlic score and career success?
Sunday March 22
Nice day today. Almost the kind of day where you just want to run out and start taking pictures of everything..... almost. What's funny about days like is is the fact that these are the kind of days that end up being the laziest.
Oh well....
Had a good day yesterday hanging out with a friend. I've come to realize how packed my social schedule is this week. I can be quite popular when I want to be... ah yes... want to be. Sometimes I don't, which is fine. Too much popularity can kill you (not literally of course).
Anyway, yes, it was a good day. She made me lunch (it was breakfast food, but it after 11, so I consider it lunch) afterwards we went to the mall so she could hand in some job applications. I don't know if she will get hired anywhere, but in a town like this, that's as good a thing to do as any. We then went by Hastings and I saw some of my old friends and chatted with them for a bit. Naturally it wasn't too much since they were at work, but it was just enough so conversations don't run stale. Some people you can just talk to forever and ever, but there are other kinds of relationships that thrive with a quick word every now and then.
The day wasn't 100% good, though. One old friend wasn't particularly enamored to see me. I guess we've had a falling out and she very nearly blew me off until I dragged her back to talk to me for a second. Even then, it wasn't much. Everybody whose anybody knows the history between me and this person and those who witnessed what went down thought it was crap the way she acted (and has been acting). So did I. Several people have told me that I should call her and give her a piece of my mind, the very angry piece. I was going to, but I thought better of it. That's not really my style, plus, there are better ways to get my revenge. Surely I'll think of something more devious...
or maybe not...
Oh well....
Had a good day yesterday hanging out with a friend. I've come to realize how packed my social schedule is this week. I can be quite popular when I want to be... ah yes... want to be. Sometimes I don't, which is fine. Too much popularity can kill you (not literally of course).
Anyway, yes, it was a good day. She made me lunch (it was breakfast food, but it after 11, so I consider it lunch) afterwards we went to the mall so she could hand in some job applications. I don't know if she will get hired anywhere, but in a town like this, that's as good a thing to do as any. We then went by Hastings and I saw some of my old friends and chatted with them for a bit. Naturally it wasn't too much since they were at work, but it was just enough so conversations don't run stale. Some people you can just talk to forever and ever, but there are other kinds of relationships that thrive with a quick word every now and then.
The day wasn't 100% good, though. One old friend wasn't particularly enamored to see me. I guess we've had a falling out and she very nearly blew me off until I dragged her back to talk to me for a second. Even then, it wasn't much. Everybody whose anybody knows the history between me and this person and those who witnessed what went down thought it was crap the way she acted (and has been acting). So did I. Several people have told me that I should call her and give her a piece of my mind, the very angry piece. I was going to, but I thought better of it. That's not really my style, plus, there are better ways to get my revenge. Surely I'll think of something more devious...
or maybe not...
Monday, March 2, 2009
Hypomania in Minor
I freely admit that I've been coming down with a rather mild case of hypomania lately. Every now and then I get this urge to start to focus on, and spend hours doing, stuff that I shouldn't have to worry about until way, way down the line. Stuff like my macro test (which isn't until March 13th), my econometrics test (which isn't due until May) and even my Public Finance paper, which isn't due until May, are already on my radar.
I suppose it is good to be ready for this stuff. The paper, for example, is something that will take awhile and will need some time, but seriously, sometimes I need to get a grip. One of the key lessons that I still need to come to terms with is the fact that it's ok to do nothing. A moment that is not spent on school work is not a moment wasted. I was understanding this for a while, but it is starting to slip away again.
What it really all comes down to is a battle between the old and the new. I used to worry about this stuff all the time and it about drove me to the brink of madness. I can't let this sort of thing take control of me again. I seriously need to take a chill pill.
I suppose it is good to be ready for this stuff. The paper, for example, is something that will take awhile and will need some time, but seriously, sometimes I need to get a grip. One of the key lessons that I still need to come to terms with is the fact that it's ok to do nothing. A moment that is not spent on school work is not a moment wasted. I was understanding this for a while, but it is starting to slip away again.
What it really all comes down to is a battle between the old and the new. I used to worry about this stuff all the time and it about drove me to the brink of madness. I can't let this sort of thing take control of me again. I seriously need to take a chill pill.
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