The one year anniversary of the start of this blog is quickly coming up and I went over and read what I wrote then. It has made me take a hard look at the last year and focus in on what has really changed. How much progress have I made? What am I progressing to anyway?

I'm going to be honest, in my undergraduate days I was just pathetic. I was a social misfit and a recluse. I was very unhappy because I think that, by nature, I'm a social person. There could be days like today where I am in a horrible miserable funk until I start talking with people then I feel better. I think this is where my time at Hastings really helped. It doubled my friend count and really helped me come out of my shell in a way that other places haven't.

I also happen to think that my cycle of emotions are different. They can still be pretty wild, that's for sure, but I think they are a bit more steady. Lately something has been starting to creep in that I'd never had before, egotism. Not that that's a good thing necessarily, but it is certainly better than being miserable and depressed all the time. I think I've always had a bit of an arrogant, self-centered streak deep down in me, but lately, it has been showing itself more.

Somewhat related to this, however, is my self-image. As I said, I can have periods of extremely inflated ego, but by and large, I'm still not horribly comfortable with myself. I really, really don't like myself very much most of the time, physically, mentally, in pretty much every way. This is one area where there hasn't been much improvement since I finished chemo and something I know I really need to work on for next year.