It's really the story of my life; I do the best I can, yet, most of the time I never feel it's good enough. Good enough for what, though? I guess I'm a perfectionist at heart and I hold myself and my actions to a very, very high standard. When I don't meet that standard, even though I've been doing all that I can do, I can be hard on myself and can't escape the notion that I've let others down.
There has been two instances lately where I have been feeling it: one is at work where lately I've been assigned a lot of tasks during a shift. I try as hard as I can to get them done, but sometimes I just can't. I know it's not a big deal, again, I like to hold myself to a higher standard. The second place is with my RA job. I feel like I'm just wasting everybody's time and money. The guy is impossible to get a hold of, so I have not the slightest idea of what I'm supposed to be doing, however. He said he was going to call yesterday and update me, but, of course, he called when I was at work. Again, nothing I can do about that, but I hate being that guy that people feel they can't depend on and I feel that I am being that guy for the professor.
I really don't know why this is an issue for me. It's probably an issue of acceptance, I've never gotten very much, so now I feel the need to overcompensate. The best way to gain acceptance, naturally, is to live up to everybody's standards. Of course, that's not possible, so the best way to go about it is just screw this whole notion of "acceptance" altogether, be yourself, and hopefully end up with a few people who like you.
Easier said than done, of course.
No comments:
Post a Comment