Low Man on the Totem Pole

I've been just too comfortable in my perch back at home and I've forgotten what it is like to be low man on the totem pole.... odd man out.... and not part of the "in" group. Back at home, I was always in the "in" group.... hell, I WAS the "in" group. Not anymore, though. New place, new job, new school, new people and they all know each other, and then there's little 'ol me.

I really, truly felt it for the first time at work the other day. I once again had to do all the stuff that I thought was behind me, trash, mopping, bathroom cleaning, etc. I really didn't care for it much and I never felt more out of place. That feeling extended to school where I am also the odd man out. I started mid-year, so most of the people in the program knew each other before I even came in, so naturally, they already have their own little cliques and social structures and I'm simply an outsider looking in.

The way I figure, there are two ways I could go about this. One, is that I can fight and claw my way into the group by being as social as I can and hoping that they will eventually accept me as one of their own. This is what I did at when I first started at Hastings back home and it worked out really well. By the time I left, I was definitely in the "in" group. This plan, however, doesn't always work and it has to be played just right. Try too hard to get accepted and you will come across as desperate and wind up as even more of an outsider.

The other way, however, I think would be nice too. That is to not worry about being accepted at all. It's funny how trying NOT to be part of the "in" group can sometimes automatically thrust you into it, like saying "I don't need you" makes them want you all the more. This way can be risky too, because if it doesn't work, you have already isolated yourself perhaps beyond repair.

I don't know which way I'll choose. Perhaps it doesn't even matter because I suspect that 75% is just fate anyway. And if I don't ever get accepted, that's ok, I have told myself that whatever happens, I will NOT feel sorry for myself.