A Rambling Note on Change

I don't even think I can count the number of times I've resolved myself to change my habits and my ways of thinking. It seems like almost every week I was making some grand declaration of change. But honestly, I never really believed anything WOULD change. With such an attitude, naturally, nothing was going to change and sooner or later, my old demons would catch up to me and I'd fall back into my old ways. I really, truly think something is different this time, though. I've tried to really be more honest with myself and, I think, that I have finally convinced myself that I needed to become somebody different..... somebody better.

I've been here about 2.5 weeks and in that short time I really think that I have grown a lot as a person. Or, perhaps, the real growth took place over the last year, I was just never in a place to realize my potential until I moved out on my own again.. either way, I think can honestly say that things have been well. The problem, however, is that I feel I'm beginning to stall. Thought patterns take a long time to change, I understand that, especially those that are as entrenched as mine were, but while that is happening, I think I need to step up my game in other areas. I must keep challenging myself and moving forward.

Ah yes, that's the problem. How can I move forward when I don't really have any clear goals or something tangible to move forward to? I've thought about this, and not everything I feel needs changing can actually have a clear-cut goal. My weight, perhaps, but most of the things I have in mind are broader lifestyle changes, changes in thinking, changes in lifestyle, setting goals for stuff like that would totally defeat the spirit and I believe it is best to let some change just come naturally.

But, like I said, there ARE areas where I need to step up my game and keep challenging myself. One area that I can set tangible goals is my weight, which is actually starting to come off. I think 215 is a good goal weight by the end of the semester. Part of this happening is just sticking to my routine and being patient, but my caffeine consumption is waaaaay out of hand. I need to cut back.