Wednesday May 20

Ever have one of those days where you wake up late and then feel behind the whole rest of the day? That's the way I have felt today. I wasn't really late, but I have felt rushed. I'm not sure what it was that made me sleep later than usual today... I must have been more tired.... not sure why, though. I did work for the first time in a while yesterday, but I didn't work that long, or that hard. Oh well, who knows. Tomorrow is probably going to be all messed up because I'm going to be working late tonight.

I had a decent workout today, but it occurred to me that most of what I do in the gym is useless anyway. I don't notice myself being noticeably stronger, and after that huge initial drop in weight, I've pretty much stayed in place. I might be in better cardiovascular shape, but who cares? I'm still way too heavy and just eating too much. Knowing this fact, however, and changing it are two entirely different things.

The strength thing is really starting to bug me, however. My strength was pretty much shot after my chemo, which was expected, but it hasn't really come back. I can still hardly bench or squat anything at all. It's kind of embarassing, actually. Here I am, this big fat guy and former offensive lineman, yet lifting like a little girl..... stupid.